Monday, September 6, 2010

Still alive-

I've been having some rough nights at work these last few weeks... and I think my brain is fried. I have a migraine from hell, and I was ready to scream up until an hour ago when things finally calmed down here. Sometimes working with adults can be a lot like working with kids. I love my job, I love helping people... but man, sometimes I get a little burnt out from the same things over and over again. It's just one of those nights- I'm sure things will calm down in the coming weeks.
I hope.

Deep breaths- it will be okay.
What was I saying?
Hello, it's 5am and I'm at work ready to bang my head into the desk.

I really do love my job- it's just rather trying at times.

Anyways- I finished the Femara a few days ago, have resisted the urge to chart my basal body temperature (so far), and am just focusing on the upcoming weekend. Which should be filled with awesome and horrible at the same time. I have my ultrasound Friday morning, then later in the day my husband's very small and quaint birthday party. (Oh, and I'm totally trying not to obsess too much over sister-in-law being due next week.)

Oh, yeah- that construction is still happening on our street... fun. It's been MONTHS now. I usually bypass that by going a few blocks over and going through downtown. Oh, no, wait... the city's silly festival is going on next weekend, starting Friday... when we have the appointment and party. Sooooo, all of downtown will be shut down alllll weekend looonnggg. Crap. It's going to be like a jig saw puzzle, or an intricate maze, just to get to my house. Our poor guests. I won't even be able to figure out how to get home, let alone will they.

Annoyed.... I'm sure we'll survive, but I may want to cry by the end of the weekend.

Oh sweet word, it's only Monday.

I'm just annoyed right now- you may not have noticed.

I don't think it's from the Femara either- I'm just an unpleasant person.
I feel that way right now, at any rate.
I hate it when I'm so clusterfucked and annoyed that even I'm annoyed with myself.

I'm not getting trying not to get my hopes up about this cycle- given my recent cycles. But I do find myself getting strangely hopeful. I don't like it. Because then I just feel crushed, and it sucks. I don't mean to get hopeful, I try to just focus on clearing our credit and the hope of possibly starting fostering or adoption in the next year or two- those are the things I feel safe to be hopeful in, those are achievable goals. Getting hopeful in treatments at this point... it feels sort of masochistic after everything we've been through. But there it is.

3 comments: said...

Do you have any upcoming vacations?? Gah!

I hope the u/s reveals a nice, big follie and that the birthday party is lovely (everyone finding parking and all).

Kristin said...

You are definitely NOT an unpleasant person.

The traffic situation sounds like a nightmare.

I hope that this cycle brings forth happy surprises.

Waiting Lisa said...

I think it's nice to have hope that you will someday be a mom, even if you don't have hope in this cycle :)