Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I'm just going to call it embryo adoption, because it's less confusing and to me either way you go you are technically, as far as I'm concerned, adopting...

My "current" clinic does have an in-house embryo adoption program, but I am ineligible for it. Why? Because I have not tried anonymous donor eggs yet.

Let's talk about that, shall we?

First of all, that is not an option for everyone. Yes, my ovaries are the problem. It costs a lot to pump them full of hormones and try to get them to respond. I get that. But donor eggs is an even more expensive process. Hell, it cost more than IVF.

$4,000-$4,500 for an injectable cycle (without IUI), $3,5000-$7,000 for a donor embryo cycle, $20,000 for a donor egg, $11,000 for IVF.

Embryo donation is a less expensive option. My stupid ovaries would be taken out of the equation altogether, just like in donor eggs. So, why can't I try that?

Has it ever occurred to these people that maybe if one spouse can't have a biological child, that maybe the other one doesn't want that either? To some people, this is the compromise. I am not one of those people, I would be fine if my husband had a genetic link to our child and I didn't, but what if my husband wasn't okay with this? Would this mean we therefore have less a right to try embryo adoption because we chose to skip a few of their steps?

I'm a little miffed. Also, no clinics in my state seem to have an in-house embryo adoption program other than them. I've only called two of them, but looking at the other places websites has been deterring.

This leaves a few options. Contact the other clinics anyway, and ask them, call the two out of state clinics I have found, or join a site, like Miracles Waiting, and try to match up with a couple looking to donate.

The advantage to utilizing a site like Miracles Waiting is that it would not be completely anonymous. While anonymity is fine by me, the issue I see with a completely closed one is that if a child is produced from this venture (completely hypothetical) then I wouldn't know who the biological parents are, or if there are any siblings. It's a very complex issue. I am open to either closed or open, but can very much see the potential complications of a closed.

At this point the research continues. I am still going to see my new RE at the beginning of September, and ask about Femara and the possibility of one last injectable cycle. We'll go from there.

And also, I now have a freakin' cold. I hate summer colds. Bleh.


Bluebird said...

That is so beyond frustrating, honey. I'm so sorry! Try to not get discouraged (easier said than done). I know your answer is out there.

Celia said...

Bleck a cold. Feel better.

I wish there was some part of getting pregnant for us that did not include flow charts and note books and copious phone calls.

shannon said...

If you are paying what does it matter if it is adoption or donation? This is your choice and not one that should be able to control. I pray you find a clinic that is willing and supportive.

The Steadfast Warrior said...

It gets so complicated so eaily, doesn't it? I wish it wasn't. Your in-depth reserach will pay-off in the end I think.

And what is it about these darn colds, eh? I just can't quite seem to shake my head cold. It doesn't help that I can't take anything for it...

'Murgdan' said...

That's nuts. And really...we've talked about donor sperm, and my husband is not okay with that...while we are both okay with the idea of donor it's discouraging to think you have to try something else to 'earn' them.

birdsandsquirrels said...

Ugh, how frustrating. It is so stupid that they have these inflexible hoops you have to jump through. Good luck with the research, and I hope the new RE is great. And competent. Competent is good.

Sweet Georgia said...

That is so frustrating and doesn't sound right to me. I hate having to fight for every little inch and can empathize with you.

Hope your cold goes away quickly!