Monday, August 17, 2009

Because an object in motion...

I haven't been trying to concieve really, because a body doesn't work with defective parts (right?), so instead I have been researching. What can I say, it's my coping mechanism. Always has been, not going to change now.

It started with a consultation with a newer RE clinic in the area.

I thought: Maybe we can see if they are more competent. Yes, I said competent.

I have come to blame the whole debacle of my last medicated cycle on my current RE's incompetence. And I have decided that if I hear another person say that I should, or could, respond too well because I am "young," I am going to scream. Shoot me full of drugs at a higher dose people, I am not that the norm... stop trying to peg me down.

I mean, really? I am an anovulatory 24 year old. I stopped ovulating before I was 21. I didn't respond to Clomid hardly at all. I needed a high dose of Gonal-f before stuff started happening. So, let's stop pretending, shall we? I may be "young" but my ovaries aren't dumb. You can not trick them so easily.

Whew, mini-rant over.

Anyway, a body in motion stays in motion, right?

So I have moved on to researching other options, because we agreed to one last injectable cycle. After that, we agreed on adoption.

So I was looking at some stuff the other day, because Dr. Go.ogle is the best professor ever (Shh, don't interupt. No snickering in the back!) And I stumbled back across some information about Embryo Donation/Adoption. I have seen this before, but dismissed it. Before they'd even consider me, most places require proof that I can carry to term... which I have not so far.

But then I got to thinking, I techinically can carry to term. All my repeat loss testing says I should be able to. As my RE, Dr. BlowsSunshine, said, my miscarriages were "just bad luck." (Trust me, another rant in and of itself.)

But my testing says I should be able to carry to term... so maybe I would be able to participate in Embryo Donation/Adoption. Wheels are turning. While we weren't successful in carrying to term with our own, could I with someone elses? Would I be allowed?

Embryo Donation is like as Embryo Adoption, though the term sounds like you are donating you aren't, in both cases you are receiving donated embryos to use for a F.E.T... but it's called Donation if you go through a clinic, because it is technically the contractual transfer of property (By law embryos are still an iffy subject. So, they are technically private property right now. At least that is my understanding.) What happens in this scenario is you and the donor have signed a contract about the embryos, and then proceed like in a normal F.E.T. If I found a clinic to go through, the cost is comparable to what it is going to cost us for another cycle of injectables (Since I have the stupidest ovaries ever and would need lots of drugs.)

If you go through an agency, it's called Embryo Adoption. It costs more for the process and fees, and comes complete with a home-study and everything. Embryo Adoption is out, because it's overall cost is close to as much as Domestic Infant Adoption would be; and if we did Domestic Infant Adoption we would have that guarantee that there was a baby at the end of it, which is not so with Embryo Adoption. And if we saved that much money up, I'd just feel more comfortable going with something that has more of a guarantee that I will eventually get a child.

I don't know, and I dare not get too hopeful. I don't know if any fertility clinics in the state actually offer this through them. And, if they do, they could turn us down, we could try it and have the embryos not thaw (always a possibility), have them not implant (very possible), have another miscarriage (never far from my mind)... but really, most of those same risks apply to our current course of treatment; I may not make the eggs I need (evident from my numerous failed attempts), egg and sperm may not meet, they may not implant, they may miscarry (again)...

So, really the upside, if we got to do Embryo Donation, is this: we'd know that there was an egg, and a sperm, and an embryo was created. A leg up from where we have been all this time.

I've been busy this past week looking into this. I yearn for it to be a real possibility, but I know that with my luck it won't be. Or it would be and something would go wrong. Who knows.

Because a body in motion, stays in motion; unless it's acted upon by an object with unblanaced force- like infertility, or miscarriages, roadblocks, doctor incompetence, lack of funds, root canals, or the loss of hope.

I am going to ask the new RE at my consultation, and find out if their clinic offers it and if I would be eligible. I also plan to call other REs in my state and see if any of them offer this, and about their guidelines. The only way to find out, is to ask. Right?

If we can do this, we may move forward with this instead of a last injectable cycle.

Only time will tell.


janis said...

I feel for you. And I admire you, perservering, asking questions, exploring all options. I am holding good thoughts for you!

Bluebird said...

It makes perfect sense to me :) At least when you're researching you feel like you're doing something, right?

Embryo donation soudns very interesting. Can't wait to hear what you learn about that and everything else from your new RE.

MrsSpock said...

I hope your researching is fruitful!

Michelle said...

You sound like me...keep researching all possibilities...never give up. I love your perseverence and I hope that some day SOON it pays off for you. YOU DESERVE IT!

Celia said...

I researched it too. I think it is a great idea. I just could not find any places that weren't Super Christian.

Dora said...

Well, as an embryo donation success story (so far), I endorse it heartily. There are many options that are not agency based or religious organizations. Miracles Waiting is a great website that helps match people and has lots of information, including a list of clinics that have embryo donation programs. I have never heard of programs requiring proof that you can carry to term. The only real proof would be a live child.

I'm excited for you! Go for it!!

Kristin said...

I think it has the possibility to be a great option for you. Hoping your research is fruitful and the news is good.

The Steadfast Warrior said...

Wow. A lot for you to consider and good for you for taking a chance and looking into it further. I'm interested in what the new RE says too!

Anonymous said...

It's always smart to have as much information together as you can! I think it's smart for you to check into all your options! Let us know what you find out!

*BlowsSunshine* *snicker* that just cracks me up said...

Dr. Google is really the best.

I whip my doctor's ass with knowledge garnered from the internet and you bloggy mates.

Anyways, I wish you luck with whatever you choose.

Does it not suck to be inferred through stereotypes?

embieadoptmom said...

Feel free to follow our embryo adoption blog. We adopted our embryos through Miracles Waiting. and it has been so awesome! Noone in our state handles this so I am flying to L.A. California for my FET. The entire cost is around $4,000 total for everything! I have a LOT of other embryo adoption/donation blogs on my blog. Hopefully this will help in your search for the next step for your family!