I haven't been trying to concieve really, because a body doesn't work with defective parts (right?), so instead I have been researching. What can I say, it's my coping mechanism. Always has been, not going to change now.
It started with a consultation with a newer RE clinic in the area.
I thought: Maybe we can see if they are more competent. Yes, I said competent.
I have come to blame the whole debacle of my last medicated cycle on my current RE's incompetence. And I have decided that if I hear another person say that I should, or could, respond too well because I am "young," I am going to scream. Shoot me full of drugs at a higher dose people, I am not that the norm... stop trying to peg me down.
I mean, really? I am an anovulatory 24 year old. I stopped ovulating before I was 21. I didn't respond to Clomid hardly at all. I needed a high dose of Gonal-f before stuff started happening. So, let's stop pretending, shall we? I may be "young" but my ovaries aren't dumb. You can not trick them so easily.
Whew, mini-rant over.
Anyway, a body in motion stays in motion, right?
So I have moved on to researching other options, because we agreed to one last injectable cycle. After that, we agreed on adoption.
So I was looking at some stuff the other day, because Dr. Go.ogle is the best professor ever (Shh, don't interupt. No snickering in the back!) And I stumbled back across some information about Embryo Donation/Adoption. I have seen this before, but dismissed it. Before they'd even consider me, most places require proof that I can carry to term... which I have not so far.
But then I got to thinking, I techinically can carry to term. All my repeat loss testing says I should be able to. As my RE, Dr. BlowsSunshine, said, my miscarriages were "just bad luck." (Trust me, another rant in and of itself.)
But my testing says I should be able to carry to term... so maybe I would be able to participate in Embryo Donation/Adoption. Wheels are turning. While we weren't successful in carrying to term with our own, could I with someone elses? Would I be allowed?
Embryo Donation is like as Embryo Adoption, though the term sounds like you are donating you aren't, in both cases you are receiving donated embryos to use for a F.E.T... but it's called Donation if you go through a clinic, because it is technically the contractual transfer of property (By law embryos are still an iffy subject. So, they are technically private property right now. At least that is my understanding.) What happens in this scenario is you and the donor have signed a contract about the embryos, and then proceed like in a normal F.E.T. If I found a clinic to go through, the cost is comparable to what it is going to cost us for another cycle of injectables (Since I have the stupidest ovaries ever and would need lots of drugs.)
If you go through an agency, it's called Embryo Adoption. It costs more for the process and fees, and comes complete with a home-study and everything. Embryo Adoption is out, because it's overall cost is close to as much as Domestic Infant Adoption would be; and if we did Domestic Infant Adoption we would have that guarantee that there was a baby at the end of it, which is not so with Embryo Adoption. And if we saved that much money up, I'd just feel more comfortable going with something that has more of a guarantee that I will eventually get a child.
I don't know, and I dare not get too hopeful. I don't know if any fertility clinics in the state actually offer this through them. And, if they do, they could turn us down, we could try it and have the embryos not thaw (always a possibility), have them not implant (very possible), have another miscarriage (never far from my mind)... but really, most of those same risks apply to our current course of treatment; I may not make the eggs I need (evident from my numerous failed attempts), egg and sperm may not meet, they may not implant, they may miscarry (again)...
So, really the upside, if we got to do Embryo Donation, is this: we'd know that there was an egg, and a sperm, and an embryo was created. A leg up from where we have been all this time.
I've been busy this past week looking into this. I yearn for it to be a real possibility, but I know that with my luck it won't be. Or it would be and something would go wrong. Who knows.
Because a body in motion, stays in motion; unless it's acted upon by an object with unblanaced force- like infertility, or miscarriages, roadblocks, doctor incompetence, lack of funds, root canals, or the loss of hope.
I am going to ask the new RE at my consultation, and find out if their clinic offers it and if I would be eligible. I also plan to call other REs in my state and see if any of them offer this, and about their guidelines. The only way to find out, is to ask. Right?
If we can do this, we may move forward with this instead of a last injectable cycle.
Only time will tell.