A new chapter-

We met with Dr. M today, and I thought it went really well. We've already met her many times in the past, but as another RE's patient- she performed a few of our IUIs and ultrasounds when Dr. J had been absent. But now she really knows us and our history, rather than a glimpse. Dr. J left her detailed notes and a thorough outline, as she'd referred us to Dr. M.

Dr. M seemed totally supportive, understanding, and willing to work with us. She herself just had her second baby with the help of Femara, she is Hypothyroid too, she also went through the horror of a very persistent SCH and bleeding- I know, right? What are the odds?! I even explained about my post-Ov conception in the past (in relation to this cycle), and she said she's had that happen for her before and it didn't end well- and we all know that neither did ours. Like I said, she seemed really understanding of everything. I explained that we are self-pay and that I don't want to do an injectable cycle until next year at the earliest, and she was totally on board with that.

I filled her in about this cycle and she even hooked me up with some progesterone samples (Crinone) for my TWW. I didn't ask or expect that, but it was really awesome of her. We have a game plan for next cycle, since I laid out my history with how things go back to anovulatory. We're going to jump right back to Clomid next month if this doesn't work out, and then go from there. I might go back to Femara and vary it up, but I wanted to play it by ear for now. She's does agree that the Testosterone might be a false low due to the BCP use, but since my DHEA-S is borderline she's going to go ahead and have me do Dexamethasone again anyway.

I think that's everything. All in all it went really well and I'm happy with our choice. She's only in our office on Mondays, but she said I can call her with questions anytime- so that's great.

All that's left is to see where this cycle takes me. My BBT is much higher now, and I'm starting the progesterone support tonight. I don't know how accurate my temperature is though because I did catch a cold. I don't have a fever so far, but I feel terrible. I can't jog right now because I can't breath when I get too hot or overexert myself... which I guess is just as well.

I was supposed to do my weigh in yesterday... umm, I'm still at 1-3lbs more than last month. Ugh. I'll do my actual weigh in tomorrow, but I probably won't post about it until later this week. I'm sure that it isn't going to be pretty! I know it's only a few pounds, and I'm trying to be cool with it, but after everything I've went through to lose the weight is feels like 30lbs, if that makes sense? I know, I'm whining a little- it's not that much weight gain in the grand scheme of things. I need to focus on eating healthier- that all there is to it. Of course now I'm sick again, and I'm in "gorge on comfort foods" mode so that isn't helping at all!

Weekend update-

Here are the OPKs from last week. The top one is from Thursday, with Wednesday's positive being below it (dates descend down). I had a slight rise in my BBT since the 14th, by about .2-.3 degrees. It's not much though so I'm hemming and hawing over it. Naturally. The OPKs have went back to obvious negatives, so eh. Either I surged and faked out, or I ovulated... I think either possibility is possible.

There is a rise, but it's really not anywhere near as much as in the past. V has been keeping me up a lot, he had a fever today (and I don't feel so well myself now) but I would think the sleep deprivation would make my temperature higher more than anything. I have been taking a lot of Tylenol/Ibuprofen because of a cavity, but I don't know how much that could affect things.

I'm not going to stress it though, as I have a very busy week ahead of me.

Monday it's off to meet my new RE to hound her with questions. If my temp is still up I'll go ahead and get a prescription for progesterone too. If I did ovulate I bet it was pretty weak. I don't hold much hope for this "cycle," but it's a start.

I think I'm more excited about seeing the dentist on Tuesday at this point though. Is that bad? My tooth is really bothering me right now- it wasn't that bad a few days ago, but it's gotten worse I guess. Ugh.

And off we go-

I had an almost positive OPK last night, and one that definitely looks positive today (CD 14, going by my last BCP). With PCOS sometimes we can get false starts and OPKs can be unreliable (I've never experienced this, but I know they can be), so I'll see what my temperature does in the next coupe of days. So far it's been very steady, despite my unpredictable wake up time. So I might ovulate this cycle after all, despite not getting that withdraw bleed. We shall see! I have been having some discomfort near lefty, which usually happens when I'm getting ready to ovulate or have a cyst. But lefty tends to hurt at sporadic times too, she's rather sensitive. I was having lots of lefty issues while I was on BCP- I'd always get pain there prior to my mid-cycle bleeding. So that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it might. I'm kind of bloated and tender in my lower abdomen, but that could be related to any number of things.

V hasn't been sleeping well at night. I think his one tooth is bothering him, since it's starting to push down on the gums in prep for cutting through. That's always t he killer stage for him. So I haven't been going to bed very early, and I haven't been getting to sleep very long either. Thankfully he slept through the night again tonight... the first time in months. Huzzah! Anyway, there's been that challenge on top of things.

A and I are going out to celebrate Valentine's Day today. We don't usually do much for Valentine's Day, we don't usually do gifts, A usually waits until the day of to buy me flowers/candy anyway. He's a last minute gifter; always has been. A big thing for me though is eating out. And I hate eating out with a crowd. I don't like big crowds. They make me nervous, anxious, I get headaches, and I don't like all the noise. So we've always went out for Valentine's dinner the day before, or the weekend after. I can't this weekend, so it's the day before for us! I'm excited for cheese biscuits... that's probably sad, but with my diet I can't really have biscuits or rolls except on special occasions. They just have too many calories!

This weekend should be very diverting for me. My best friend and I are going to look at wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses on Saturday. Then on Sunday we're going to a local bridal show to get ideas for her. I've never been part of a wedding, other than my own, so this is actually pretty exciting for me. It warms my heart to see my friend so happy, and I can't wait to be a part of this. It is a little daunting, all the bridesmaids are sort of maid of honor collaboration since the maid of honor is her 12 year old daughter, so I'll be working with her sisters and we'll hopefully pull this thing together.

I don't have much experience with weddings, I mean mine was a Cherokee blanket ceremony in a park and we had a potluck for a reception. We seriously considered eloping since I hate crowds and attention. I never grew up dreaming of weddings. My parents eloped (on Valentine's Day, ironically enough) and went through a bitter divorce. There weren't wedding photos hanging in their homes (because there weren't any), and they both swore they'd never remarry. I never dreamed of my wedding day, but I wanted to get married some day... just, you know, quietly. Anyway, I'm getting off track! I don't have a lot of experience with what's normal when it comes to weddings, or about proper etiquette, or about wedding showers (never had one of those either), I mean I know a little but I don't know a lot. I've been to two wedding showers, and five weddings in my life (not counting my own). This is all new territory for me! I'm great at coming up with ideas and giving feedback to my friend, and that's the stage we're at now... I feel like once we get past that I might get a little overwhelmed though. But, I'm not to old to learn. Right?

Back on track though with this cycle:

I have an appointment with my new RE Monday (so if I ovulate I can ask for a progesterone draw while I'm there, and supplements). I'm HOPING my new insurance card is here by then, because it's been two weeks and I STILL don't have it (*grumble-grumble*). I'll make sure to post about how that goes.

And this isn't related at all, but Tuesday I'm supposed to get a cavity or two filled. I am not looking forward to that, but I am at the same time. This tooth is bothering me- it could be worse, but it's slowly getting there.

Results and hassles-

I got my TSH results- 1.64. So that's great. They're going to keep me on my current dose of medication to keep that in check.

We still haven't gotten our insurance cards, so I had to pay for the test and the medication out of pocket, then petition for reimbursement. Which is really dumb because I bet they're going to spend more on paper work and manpower reimbursing us than the stuff is worth- the test was $15, and the medication is going to be $13. Which means they're supposed to cover $18 worth of that. I could let it go and save myself the effort, but $18 is $18 that I shouldn't have to pay... so you bet I'm filling out the paperwork. They wouldn't give us the group/policy ID over the phone, they said we had to wait for the card... so that's that.

I might still be bit bitter about the insurance change.

I ordered some OPKs and they should be here today, I guess I'll start those over the weekend. My temps are still rocking steady, so they seem pretty reliable so far.

Thanks for all the comments on the previous posts. The weight gain could be partly due to the hormonal stuff, that is a great point. I think that a significant amount of the weight and bloating are probably due to my bad eating habits and relapse into caffeinated beverages (full of calories and migraines, ugh) but I'm sure the hormonal aspect hasn't helped anything either! Hopefully as my body sorts itself out and I get back on track (and away from soda) we'll be good. This morning the scale said that I've regained 2-3lbs instead of 3-5lbs, so hopefully that's progress. I did eat greasy pizza last night, skipped my jog too, due to yet another nasty migraine... sooo I'm sure that ummm, yeah. I'm planning on doing my jog tonight, so I'm not skipping it completely... just postponing. I still feel like a slacker though.

Anyway, I need to just say no to caffeine- and soda in particular. I'm pretty sure it's the cause of my migraines. I felt a million times better when I was off it completely. I wasn't have sugar/energy crashes, anxiety, and feeling like I was hit by a car. I don't feel as bloated and gassy when I'm off carbonated beverages either. They sabotage my calories. And since we're TTC, that's all the more reason to say no.

Honestly, I found it harder to quit caffeinated beverages than I did to quit cigarettes. Probably because they're so readily available, it seems so innocent, I mean it's just soda. What's the big deal, right? Well, for my body it is a big deal and I need to start listening to my body more. Even if it's just once a week, it leaves me feeling like total crap... and that should be all the sign I need.

Moving forward-

I started temping, although how reliable that's going to be is questionable. V hasn't been sleeping well through the night, so I haven't been sleeping the best either. I think it should still be reliable enough though, as I used to temp even working third shift. It's still too early to know where that's going. I should be picking up some OPKs tonight though.

I have my repeat TSH draw tomorrow, and hopefully I can get a refill as I run out on Sunday. But we'll see. I don't know if I'll be able to get my insurance to cover the TSH draw, but it shouldn't be too expensive OOP (and I can later petition for reimbursement), but we may call the insurance company and try to get our ID number for straight billing too. I don't know- it's up to whether A gets around to calling them today since he has the info from his work. Either way, that should be fine.

I finally scheduled a consult with Dr. M, my potential new RE. It's for the 18th, so we just have to wait for that and go from there.

I still haven't started spotting or anything, and my temps (so far) have been around my normal pre/non-ovulatory range. Sooo, I guess I'm just not going to bleed post-BCP this time? It's been 6 days now, so that's what I'm going with.

I don't want to talk about my weight, but I'm going to. I over-indulged my birthday week, I ate way too much cake, and I've been really bloated... I gained back like 3-5lbs. I'm pretty disheartened over that, but I'm trying not to let it get me down. I'm going to pick myself back up and get back at it. I have a serious appetite problem though. I don't know if it's related to my thyroid meds, stress, or what, but I've just been starving lately. I'm finding it very difficult to stay under 1,600cal a day... I need to try harder though. I can work out all I want, but if I can't maintain my calories it's all for naught. I don't know if I'll have any loss to report at my next weigh in. I'm trying to remind myself that I'm healthier now, and that's all that's really important, but I was hoping to be closer to a healthy BMI (overweight instead of obese) by next weigh in.

It's okay though. I'm moving forward and it's going to be okay.

I'm waiting!

No cramping, no spotting, no bleeding, and the test still says no. I don't really know what else to do but wait this out. When I planned on stopping my pills, this is not what I imagined happening. I was supposed to get my post-BCP bleed. And hopefully my rebound ovulation. My issue this whole time has been excessive bleeding with the pills... not this.

Oh, body... you're funny. A real joker!

I guess I'll go ahead and start charting, see what happens, and go from there. Maybe pick up some ovulation predictor tests, just in case. Maybe I'll start bleeding. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll ovulate. Maybe... eh, I probably won't.

I'm having serious regrets over trying this damned four-phasic birth control. I mean, what is up with that anyway? Only two inactive pills in the entire pack? Everything I read online says that you're supposed to get your bleed during those pills, but I'm 2 inert pills and 2 days out... nothing. I knew what worked for me in the past and, while the bleeding was annoying, I should have just toughed it out. I know there's nothing I can do about it now, but I am extremely frustrated.

I'm scheduled for a repeat TSH draw on the 7th, but I don't know if we'll be able to get that done. My new insurance card might not be here for another week and a half, so we'll have to talk to them about how we'll handle that. It depends on how it's coded (so if it's out of pocket, it won't matter), and if I need my insurance card I'll either have to pay OOP and then request reimbursement from my new insurer, or just reschedule when I get my card.

Grumble. grumble. grumble.

The best laid plans and all that, am I right?

Spinning round and round but going nowhere-

A and I decided to stop BCPs this month, rather than do one more month of BCPs. I just really didn't want to do it. I've been on 5 different brands of BCP and I haven't caught a break, and logistically trying one month early isn't going to make or break us. So, Thursday was my first inactive pill (the second to last pill in the pack, if you remember that this brand is not a normal triphasic). And I started waiting for CD1.

And I waited.

No cramping or anything. Given the fact that my issue with BCPs was constant break through bleeding, I started to wonder what could be going on. I did mess up my BCPs about 1.5-2 weeks ago... I took one 6 or so hours late, after we'd already, ahem, retired to the marital bed.

So given that, and the lack of CD1, I took a test last night. All we had was a stupid blue dye test... the most untrustworthy SOBs in the world. We got them last time I had a worry because, well, A went to the store without me and I think he said they were the cheapest. They were the cheapest for the reason... NEVER trust a blue dye test- words to live by. The first one in the pack worked fine months ago, but this time... well, I took it and came back a few minutes later... and it was positive. Which I am not stupid enough to trust, because those things are wonky and they can lie, but it still got me in a panic. I was shaking, because while it would be very welcome it was unexpected and geeze pregnancy is terrifying for me.

So A went out to procure me a First Response (yes, at midnight). In my 4 years TTC they became my go-to brand and I trust them. Apparently there was only one line open and a lady was in front of him with a cart full of stuff, and when she saw what he had in his hand and said (rather judgmentally), "Well, you can go first since it looks like you have an emergency." A told her, "No, not really." And the cashier jumped in with, "Not him, but someone has an emergency." I asked him how he replied, and he said he didn't... oh, I would love to complain... and I might. Here I was frantic for a more reliable test, because you know- if it WAS a real positive I would need to call the clinic and leave a message, because I would need immediate blood work and medication because MY BODY IS A TICKING TIME BOMB- I probably shouldn't call the store, because they'll probably get worse than they deserve... but damn. I really want to.

Anyway, so I took the more reliable test and... negative. Not even the hint of a line.

Thank you blue dye test for getting me all worked up over nothing. Now I know it was late, and I hadn't waited very long to retest, but I'm fairly certain that first one was a false positive.

Oh, and if you're wondering- where is CD1? Still not here. 3 days since my first inactive pill. I guess if it doesn't show by Monday I'll retest, but I am so over whatever is going on.

Barely even TTC again and already losing my mind -_-