Appointments and such-

V- has his first appointment today. We'll see how that goes. I can't believe he's over a week old; I have no clue where the time has gone.

I don't even know what day it is half the time, I feel like I'm always half in/half out of the world- I'm sort of in my own little bubble right now. I am so behind on my blog reader, and I do apologize. I will get caught up one of these days :(

I have to go back to the OB's tomorrow to get checked out. We just want to make sure my incision isn't infected, due to the fever and it being a bit swollen/red/warm to the touch. It's probably fine, but I'd rather have it checked out just the same.

I think we've figured out the issue with breastfeeding. I seem to have an overactive letdown, so we're trying to work on that. We're giving pumped bottles a lot, and I don't want to set a trend, but right now it's just so much easier on my breasts and we aren't as frustrated. It's a continuing work in progress. I thought it might be challenging, so I was prepared for that, but I guess I didn't expect just how challenging it would be. Thank goodness for online forums and websites, because that breastfeeding 101 class I took was completely useless. I have the option to contact the lactation consultants at the hospital, and they have a free phone consultation line, so I may be hitting them up again sometime here soon if my changes don't work out. So far they seem to be helping though.

So far none of our siblings have came out to see the baby. Or even asked about it. FIL asked when we were going to stop out and see them so they could meet V-, and I was like "Ha, as if." Sorry, but I just had a c-section, I feel like total crap, I'm trying to establish breast feeding, and after they had their children we stopped out at all their houses to visit with them... soooo, if they can't spare the time to come out and visit us, that's their loss. Why would you seriously expect me to go out and visit all 4 of his siblings so they could meet our baby? I am baffled, honestly.

My sister is upset about not being able to visit, but she lives on the other side of the country and is unable to visit right now for a variety of reasons. She does keep up with me on the phone though, and through FB; she's rather enjoying all the photos I keep posting/sending her. Sometimes my sister and I don't get along, but I love her and sometimes I really miss her. We talked for a bit the other night how how it felt to finally bring him home alive, after such a long wait, and it's a feeling we both share. It was nice to be able to talk to her about everything.

I finally started filling out the baby book the other night. I had bought it at 24 weeks when we went out shopping to celebrate. I hadn't touched it since then though; I was too afraid too. Some of the questions were hard to answer, because we had to decide how we wanted to word things. We didn't want to glaze over the truth about how scared we were, and how tough things were, but we also didn't want it to be brutally honest. We have many truths to our stories, and depending on how we tell them... they're all true, but they can be interpreted differently I guess.

For instance, when it asked how we felt when we found out that we were pregnant... it asked about our first reaction. Honestly, the first thing I did was say, "Oh shit. Here we go again," because I was already spotting/starting to bleed and I'd already had three miscarriages. I was terrified, I wanted him so badly but I was so so scared of losing him. But I didn't want to put that in his baby book, I put something like, "We were excited but terrified. We'd tried for so long, and been through so much, that we were scared of losing you." Both statements are true, but obviously one sounds better in the context of a child's memory book. I don't think there's any right or wrong way to fill them out, but that's how we wanted to do things. We didn't want him to think it was all sadness and terror, because it wasn't (although they were prevailing emotions) but those emotions, everything we felt, all stemmed from how much we wanted him, and how much we loved him already- all the fear, the excitement, the anxiousness, the apprehension, and the joy, was because of our love for him. But it's hard to put that across in answers to one liner questions.

It also brought up a lot of memories and emotions. But it was good. I'm glad I've started working on it. I've found so much joy in finally filling out such a little book.