Sunday, July 31, 2011

The good, the bad, and the ugly-

- We'll start this off with the good, because I'm giddy about the news I got this weekend. My step-sister got matched with a birth mother! Squeal! I know that it's still early in the process, and it's hard to tell what's going to happen now, but I'm still excited for her. If you don't remember, this is my brother's sister who had been dealing with infertility for 5 years and had a failed IVF last year. So, yeah... SQUEAL!

Also, I'm getting around more and it feels great! I mean, physically I have to take it easy and I'm getting wore out super fast... but emotionally, it feels great to be on my feet again. I did the dishes today... it was awesome. And right now? I'm at work. I won't be back on the schedule until next month, but I'm covering someones shift tonight. I'm really excited about this, because goodness knows we need the money now.

My anatomy scan is scheduled for the 9th. Hopefully we'll get good news, and the baby will be doing great. I'm 19wks 2days now, and at the scan I'll be 20wks 3days. I think that if things look good, then after my prenatal appointment on the 24th we might let ourselves start buying baby things... I should be 22wks 4days then. We may keep waiting until 24wks though. We did decide we're going to tell our families the baby's a boy though... but we're waiting until after the anatomy scan. Why we changed our mind will be down below in "the UGLY".

- Ahem... now onto the bad. I'm tired of getting "mommyjacked" on FB. For those of you who aren't familiar with mommyjacking, I refer you to STFU, Parents and this helpful post. Okay, so seriously, we know I'm pregnant. But not all my posts on FB are pregnancy related. Give me a break. If I post about being tired, maybe it's because I'm tired. I don't need to hear how I should wait until the baby gets here to know what tired is. Screw that! I don't comment on their "tired" posts and tell them "just wait until your baby dies, then you'll know what a sleepless night is." I don't.

Today, I posted about my cat Ishi. I honestly believe this cat has some form of mental illness. I've thought this for a long time. He isn't afraid of me and the other animals in the house. But my husband, company, loud noises, all freak him out. When he freaks out, he runs and hides. Now, when I'm home alone he's a completely normal cat. Completely normal. It's like night and day.

Well today I posted about Ishi having a freak out. My SIL commented that maybe he senses that we have a baby on the way and that things are going to change... umm, what does this have to do with my fetus? If it was related to my pregnancy at all I'd think it was because of the bed rest situation. When we explained to her that this cat has been mental for years, she went on to say that I might have to get rid of him after the baby gets here... because he could be dangerous.

Are you freaking serious? He HIDES from everything, he doesn't MAUL everyone to death.

I told her that I would not be getting rid of a single cat, so she said that you change when you become a parent (wait for it) she went on to say that she did, and that I'll see.

Umm, I've felt this strongly about animals for my entire life. That's not going to change. Pets are NOT disposable. This cat is not dangerous, I've had him for five years; I'm not going to get rid of him now.

My post wasn't asking for advice, I never brought up my pregnancy, let alone getting rid of this cat! I just said that he had an episode, and I thought he had a kitty mental disorder. But apparently, everything's about pregnancy and being a mom. (*rolls eyes*) And I need her assvice, I do, because us poor non-parents have no clue how the world works. Woe is us! How will we ever survive?!

If I'm hungry, it's because I'm pregnant... not because we all need to eat. If I'm tired, it's because I'm pregnant... not because we all need to sleep. And I don't even know what tired is yet. If I'm going out of the house, I better take it easy. Because I'm not already aware of that. I should have relished in my bed rest, because once I have a baby I'm never going to catch a break... yeah, let's forget that I was on bed rest because I could have lost my baby!

Do you see where this is going? Give me a break.

Here's what I want to post on FB, "Dear Mommy Club, stop including me and my fetus in your stupid crap. We don't want your assvice, our situation is not like yours, and stop trying to relate with me over this. Stop trying to act like parenting is a secret club that no one understands. I KNOW babies keep you up at night, they poop, pee, they take time/effort/money... we did have 4 YEARS to think about all those things! Leave me and my fetus out of your hidden Mommy agenda! KTHNXBYE."

Mmm, venting feels good.

- Onto the UGLY. So remember how we weren't going to tell our families what the baby was because of extreme gender bias? Well, my mom was nagging me and nagging me. I hoped that given what we went through, she'd reel in her own girl-gender-preference enough to be happy for us... yeah, here's how she responded when I (STUPIDLY) caved and told her, "So it's another boy. Hmm."

Yeah, I didn't know we had any other boys. Did you?

You'd think that after losing a granddaughter already, and me having three miscarriages, and knowing how we've almost lost this one, what we went through just to get pregnant, she could have at least feigned excitement. No, it's just another boy, right? Eh.

I hate people sometimes. Any baby is a miracle. ANY BABY.

And we told her not to tell anyone... like my mother can keep a secret, PFFT! She told my cousin, who told her young daughters. And we all know kids can't keep secrets. And if we make it to a baby shower, someone is bound to slip up. So now we have to tell the in-laws. Yeah, so much for keeping it a secret.

In my defense... I can't lie, so when she asked me if we'd found out, I didn't know what to do. I panicked, and slipped up. I couldn't just say, "No." or "We're not telling," or something. Nooo, I had to tell her. (*facepalm*)

I'm sure all the in-laws will be just as thrilled as my mom was about it being another boy.

- And we're back to the good, because you know what?! It's a good thing that this isn't their baby. We're still thrilled as can be that it's alive and well at every single appointment! We marvel at it and soak it up. This baby might have some disgustingly petty extended family members, but it's mommy and daddy are over the moon happy every time they see it jumping on the ultrasound screen. How can you even put expectations on something so tiny and perfect? It's healthy and alive, what else matters? I think that if the baby stays alive, I should buy this onsie for when we take it over to the grandparents. It says, "Sorry for disappointing you. P.S. I'm just a damn baby. Maybe your expectations are too high."


Stinky said...

ffs.gender preference and they're not even the parents (of the baba). Bollocks to that, defo get the onesie!

Loved the linky to STFU, people astound me. I'm lying in wait for a mommy jacker now (not baiting, honest).

You're sounding much better though (can I say that?) for being out and about and the SCH being smaller. Great to see/read! (not that I mind posts from bad times AT ALL, just smiling cos you sounds in a slightly better place) said...

people are jerks. that onesie is AWESOME!! So glad that you're out and about and are feeling better!! Have you I told you how excited for you guys I am??!? A baby is a miracle. period! ah!!!

Crystal said...

I love STFU, parents. Apparently, because my posts aren't all kid related and I refer to my baby as "the baby" I'm a terrible parent. I introduce my children as my offspring.

A few people I know are pregnant, and people are already asking them, "Do you want a boy or a girl?" If I didn't feel like I'd be jacking their status with my, "WTF should it matter if it has XX or XY chromosomes you twit?" reply, I'd say something.

Honestly, if Nombie were female, it'd be just as bad (if not worse). Everyone (except MIL) wanted a girl. To the point that they were buying girl stuff before we knew she was a girl. MIL, of course, kept bringing over boy things, even after we found out the gender. She kept saying, well, they could be wrong! My mother in law is no longer in our lives, but for many other reasons. I know it sounds harsh, but that IS an option, if you can live with it.

blueeyedtawni said...

your right about that. a baby is special no matter what the gender is. and i would so buy that onsie :D
hugs to you ..and pshh on them nombie is awesome!

Jo said...

I hate mommyjacking. Its like your life just doesn't begin until you procreate (at least in their minds). I loved your response, though! And the onesie is adorable. I'm sorry your family doesn't recognize what a wonderful miracle your little boy is.

Lissie said...

Wow, people astound me! I can't believe that anyone who know what you have been through would say that! I am pissed on your behalf!

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you all and your sweet baby boy!
My family had the EXACT same gender bias. I can't lie, either, so I just didn't find out the gender the entire pregnancy! It was fun, and I'm glad I did it, but it was constant nagging from the family who wanted to know.

Rebecca said...

I just love that onesie. It does say it all too. I wonder though, if you bought, would they even notice it was intended to stop them from being more stupid in what they say to you guys?

AnotherDreamer said...

Rebecca, LOL. Of course not :) But it'd be really fun to point it out the them! j/k (sort of)

Stacey, I kind of wish we hadn't either. It would have made it a lot easier. But then again, I wanted to know and don't regret it either... just wish family would butt the hell out.

Crystal, I'll definitely make it very clear to them that this is our baby and they can butt out. But we can't cut them out completely (no matter how much we wish we could sometimes).

Stinky, yes and I appreciate it :)

Thanks everyone! It's very frustrating, and I definitely needed to get it off my chest... that's for sure.

K said...

Honest to gawd I HATE people with extreme gender biases. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do get that onesie and make sure he's wearing it the first time he meets anyone who has already expressed that they think he's a failure for not having a vagina. Ugh!

Janet's page said...

HA HA HA HA HA, loved every bit of this post!! I know the mommy clubbers, may have even been one a time or two (but no longer ;)

That onsie is AWESOME!!!
I remember overhearing some parents at our old school talking about the one parent's wife's ultrasound and the other parent says "so all 10 fingers and toes"?

Not trying to be rude but feeling the need to BUTT IN, I casually say to the room in general.... "well I'm just happy when there's a beating heart, really that's all that matters"......

Apparently I'm pretty good at quieting and clearing a room......

AND boys rock!!!

Celia said...

I hate people with gender bias too. That is one thing I do not have an OUNCE of pity for. Oh, all you poor people with your healthy babies. How can you handle the pain of them not having a PENIS/VAGINA? We don't care what we get, we just want a healthy baby. Boys do rock though, ahem when I say that you should put a piece of laminate or something behind the changing table...that is because you don't want to be racing to scrub pee off the wall at 3 a.m. If you miss a spot you get this lovely drip mark that is very obvious. My own boy baby needs me, so gotta run.

MrsSpock said...

I just don't understand AT ALL the gender bias. I love my boy to pieces. My daughter could have been a boy- and I would have been thrilled just as much.

Jessica said...

Thank you for your sweet comments and reassurance! I'm so scared right now and I hope that it resolves like yours has. I hope that it doesn't grow by our next u/s! Grrrr. Anyway, I hope that things continue to progress nicely with you and Nombie:)

St Elsewhere said...

Nombie is a boy? I guess I missed that post.....Oh, but I am so happy, gender not considered - boy or girl, Nombie is thriving and that is super enough.

I am so happy for your SIL. I hope the adoption will work in her favour.