16wks4days

Yesterday was our 5 year wedding anniversary, and we planned a jailbreak so I could get out of the house. It was nice! I'll post my reflections on that later.

For now, today's appointment! It went well. The clot appears to be smaller, it was 3x7.54cm at it's biggest and it looked to be 1x1cm today. It is also all down by the cervix now, when it was at it's biggest it was up near the placenta. So definitely a big improvement! We go back in two weeks for another ultrasound.

Nombie looked great, lots of activity. The tech told me that Nombie is about 6 ounces now, fluid is good, cervix is good... so things look good :) She also asked if we were finding out the gender, and if we wanted her to take a peek... now, if your FB friends with me please don't mention this, we decided not to tell our families the gender until Nombie is here due to the very ridiculous gender preference they've displayed (yeah, there was more than just what I've posted. That was just the prize winning statement.)

But, it definitely looks like Nombie is a boy. We didn't really care either way obviously, but it's neat to know. It's still early, yes, but for now... the ultrasound tech, nurses, and my OB were pretty convinced.

Thanks everyone about the belly shots. I still don't see it personally, I always had a "pregnant" belly thanks to PCOS. It's always just accumulated there, and as I said all my clothes still fit just fine. I can definitely tell it's shifted a little, but it's barely noticeable at the same time. I plan on taking photos every two weeks to see if there's a difference, and to document things.

Today, I had to yet again remind my mother that this pregnancy still isn't a done deal. She was already talking about the possibility of a baby shower in October. I feel like it's probably a little early to be talking about that. I know that she just wants to be excited, so does the rest of our family and friends, but it really bothers me when they act so cavalier about things, then in turn tell me or act like I need to start enjoying things and be happy. I AM happy, I AM thankful that I'm still pregnant, but I've also been through a lot. I'm only 16wks, I don't think I need to jump into buying baby stuff so soon to enjoy things, or get giddy and talk about my pregnancy like it's a done deal. I need to do things in my own time. Someday, if things continue in a positive direction, I will feel more comfortable with things, and we'll start preparing a little more... I'm not there yet. The thought of going to the store and buying things still puts me in an absolute panic- I'm just not there yet. My husband isn't there yet.

It seems like everyone is there already, except us.

But you know what, right now, we're perfectly content to look at the ultrasound photos and admire how cute the baby is, remembering how it kicks and jumps on the ultrasound screen, and reflect on how incredible it's been watching it grow from a fetal pole to this. For us, for now, that's enough. We don't need to start planning, we don't need to start buying things, right now we just need to focus on making it through each week.

Everyone handles pregnancy after a loss differently. This is where we are today, and we're fine with that. I just wish that our families understood that.