Wednesday, January 26, 2011

cricket chirping-

Nothing on the ovulation front... big surprise there, eh?

And my primary care doctor never called me back about my Vitamin D dose, so I guess they'll be getting a call from me tomorrow.

I've been getting really sad off and on, thinking about my pregnancy/loss at this time two years ago. I really have a lot of emotions with that one that I haven't fully dealt with yet. I feel like no one wants to hear about it anymore, that I'm beating a dead horse here, that I'm being ridiculous. But it was really hard on me, I dealt with it as best I could, and it wasn't enough. I feel like screaming about it still, screaming about what exactly I went through, what I saw, what I felt, what I lost.

But no one wants to hear it.

So I stopped talking about it. Sometimes I feel like I should just stop talking about all of this, because it's all old news to everyone and no one cares... some of them never did.

I'm trying to heal, to make peace with all this, but it's so hard.

6 comments:

Celia said...

I have never been able to forget the pain of our loss. It strikes me anew when I see my best friend, because our baby would have been only a few months younger than her son. I don't dwell on it, but it is there like a sore tooth- what might have been but wasn't. It brings it home to my husband too, because it is a concrete reminder.

We still do speak of it, I think it is clearer to my husband now what we lost.

I don't anyone here wants you to forget and shut up. Someday you will be reunited with them, though that is cold comfort.

Melis.sa said...

God can I understand this post!! I know my situation is different from yours but I still feel the pain of my losses and I want to talk about them and make *some* people acknowledge them and the pain they've caused my DH and me. You have every right to still be hurt from that loss no matter how much time has passed. ((HUGS))

wifey said...

I completely get where you are coming from. Although I have lost many pregnancies, the baby I lost the week before Christmas 2008 just about destroyed me. That loss, for so many reasons, has haunted me since (well, they all do, but Cletus more than most).
You can scream and shout about it all you want here.

Thank you so much for stopping by my blogand for your sweet comment. If you ever want to vent, email me: wifey.to.hubby@gmail.com.

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

That is why we are all here...we get it and don't mind hearing about your pain. I always think of my two losses and I don't think that will ever change.

Sarah S said...

Hugs,

we are here to support you!!! That is the great thing about the Adoption, Loss and Infertility Blogging world, we will always be there to support you and will never get tired of listening!!!


I have passed on an award, stop by my blog and check it out!!

MrsSpock said...

I think we all have a dead horse we tend to beat. Mine is about breastfeeding. You'd think I'd be over it by now- but I'm not.