5dpo-

So it's 5 days past ovulation (or I hope it is); it's 5 days past the IUI at least. On one hand I'm like, "wow, has it really been 5 days?" On the other, it feels like time is dragging.

I've been finding things to occupy myself with. Work helped me with that by giving me more hours, despite the fact that I specifically asked to not have more hours. Ungh. Just chanting to myself that I'm not going to complain though, because we do need the extra money... (*sigh*) So... rocking it vampire style, going to be sleeping all day and working most nights.

Had a decent Halloween; it's my second favorite holiday. I didn't go all out this year though, and I didn't really get in the mood. We barely decorated, our party called it quits early, we didn't make new costumes and just reused some from a few years ago, none of us were really in our normal festive moods. I did at least light my candles to remember the dead, briefly, and I did make my traditional dinner... but just really wasn't feeling it this year.

We passed out candy in our costumes. It was fun to see all the little kids in theirs, although I noticed that like none of them said "trick or treat" and only about half said "thank you". We had to yell out to some groups that we had candy, despite the fact that we were sitting on the porch in costumes with bowls of candy on our laps with the porch light on... seriously. And then the groups were like, "Oh!" and came over... this happened several times, we think they just weren't sure what to make of us since there were 4 of us in costumes on the porch. But it was amusing. Felt a little bittersweet about it, because I love the holiday and can't wait to have my own little one to dress up and share traditions with...

Oh, and it was pretty chilly out. And we didn't wear coats, just our costumes. I didn't feel that cold in the costume at the time... but the husband and I both woke up the next day with sore throats, headaches, and I am slightly congested with a very minor cough. Awesome. So we might be coming down with something, because I feel like crap. But instead of being home in bed trying to feel better, I'm sitting here at work... staying awake and feeling like crap. Double awesome.

Anyway, back to the cycle chit-chat... so, like usual I'm not really expecting much from this cycle but I guess I could be surprised. This is my 7th ovulatory cycle since the ovarian drilling, and my 3rd IUI since then.

Compare that to my 5 ovulatory cycles with 2 IUIs, which resulted in 3 pregnancies before the drilling...

Just saying. I used to have a pregnancy rate of like 60%, and now it's 0%.

Granted I didn't ovulate at all in 2007.

I only ovulated 2 times in 2008, and got pregnant 1 time.

I ovulated 3 times in 2009, with 2 IUIs, and got pregnant 2 times.

Ovulated a whopping 7 times this year, with 3 IUIs, and no pregnancies so far...

Yeah, that doesn't make it sound any better, does it?

I definitely feel like something else is broken now. Don't know what, since everything looks good on both ends for most of these cycles, and my tubes and everything got a once over during the laproscopy/hysteroscopy... but it feels like something must be broken since it's just not happening anymore.

I know that sometimes it just doesn't happen, odds are only 25% or so each cycle, and anything can be going on, plus several of these cycles only had one follicle, etc etc etc... but seriously, this is not normal for me at all. And it just makes me doubt my bodies ability to even get pregnant. I don't know. But I'm definitely not the most hopeful.

Yet part of me keeps telling myself that it could still happen...

So, yeah, I am a bit of a masochist.