Monday, August 23, 2010

Waiting it out~

First of all, I would like to take a moment to remember my niece. Twelve years ago on the twenty-first of August, she was born sleeping. My sister was 42wks pregnant, when her daughter's heartbeat stopped. She was a beautiful baby, perfect in every way. She is still, to this day, very much missed. None of us were prepared for it. I don't think anyone can ever be prepared for that.

It seems surreal that she would be twelve this year, had she lived. Twelve, a pre-teen. I want to picture it so badly, but I can't seem to. It doesn't seem like that much time has passed, but at the same time it feels like eons since then.

Love you baby girl.
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I still don't know what's going on with my cycle- just waiting it out. Can't tell what's going on with my temperature, it's still kind of all over the place. I may or may not have ovulated... it's never been such a guessing game before. It's frustrating. If I did ovulate I may be 8 days past ovulation. If I did, which is a huge IF right now.

I know I don't always have the most supportive family, and my friends aren't always there for me either- but I am thankful for so many of them. My mom, as crazy as she is, has been keeping us and our adoption wishes in her thoughts when she hears of someone who may be putting their child up for adoption. My friends too. They're keeping their ears open, and treading these waters with us. And that means a lot to me, even if nothing comes from it. Because I know they are thinking about us, and our situation. And they want us to be parents, as much as we want to be parents. And who knows, maybe one day we will meet our child this way.

6 comments:

Kristin said...

Remembering and abiding with you.

WiseGuy said...

Wishing your niece eternal peace.

And praying that your quest for parenthood is fulfilled, one way or another!

Katie said...

Remembering your niece and praying for your family on this difficult anniversary.

Melis.sa said...

((HUG))

Jessi Wallace said...

I cannot begin to fathom the pain of losing a child at full gestation. I've heard of it happening but WOW... it just blows my mind. I always hated temping... I didn't do it long. The first month I tried it, I ended up with a fever so the whole month was a waste and everything was inaccurate... I never picked it back up after that. I'm sorry you don't have the most supportive family and friends :( That makes things so much more difficult... you do need a solid group of people to lean on. I hope that if you do decide to adopt, the process is easy and short! Who knows, perhaps the adoption will bring the miracle you've been waiting for.

loribeth said...

I remember you writing about your niece before. My daughter was stillborn in August 1998 as well (albeit at 26 weeks gestation -- she was due in November). She would also be 12 years old this fall -- hard to believe sometimes!! Sending (((hugs))) to you & your family.