Wednesday, June 23, 2010

tumbling-

The test said no.

Technically it's still early, but I feel out. I've always had a positive by now, if it was going to be a positive at all. I mean I could be surprised, but I don't think I will.

This is new for me. I've gotten pregnant on every other ovulatory cycle (8 months apart, but still it was every other ovulatory cycle). Here I am now with three ovulatory cycles, and no pregnancies. I know the odds of conceiving even on fertility treatments are still only like 25%, but I had managed to get pregnant so easily once we got my ovaries doing something. But not now. For me, it's not quite as disheartening as not responding to the treatments at all- but it's still disheartening. In a different way- by ovulating and not getting pregnant I get dragged back through this with the hopes of ovulating again, and maybe this time, maybe this time...

Then again maybe I'm looking at this wrong, maybe the universe is actually being kind. No, seriously. At least this way I can't have another miscarriage, right?

Next cycle, if we get the go ahead, we'll use the Femara again I think. I don't know how well I'll respond to it though, as I only made one follicle this time. And I do have a history of responding to something, and then just suddenly not responding to it anymore. It's frustrating.

I'm feeling rather depressed these days- I'm letting the financial issues of adoption overwhelm me. I was doing well there for awhile- but then I got to thinking about it again and it just seems like the time it will take is so far into the future, I may never reach it. Overwhelming. Deep breathes though, right? It will all be okay... I hope.

I think I'm going to start trying to take walks again, maybe it will help clear my mind (and if nothing else, maybe it will help my waistline).

5 comments:

Melis.sa said...

I think the walks would be a wonderful idea.

God, remember when the possibility of ovulating had nothing to do with miscarrying? the last 3 times I o'ed (granted over 2 years), 2 of those ended in miscarriage.

Exercise is my sanity saver these days. At least my body does what I want it to do there.

Hopefully the next round you'll respond and produce 2 lovely follicles

Celia said...

Dude, you can do it. I wish my husband had not changed his mind about adopting, I feel like we have this phantom child waiting for us. Have you checked out Dave Ramsey?

MrsSpock said...

Sorry about the negative test :(.

I read so many deal blogs nowadays where people have really met some amazing goals, like paying off a mortgage in 5 years. I KNOW you can do it! I'm going to do a challenge on my other blog to stretch my $200 gift card I won for 2 months of groceries. Want to join?

birdsandsquirrels said...

I'm sorry about the negative today. I hope that next cycle you respond as expected too. The financial aspects of adoption (or IVF for that matter) are daunting. I know it seems so far away. I wish there was some way to speed it up. I don't really have any advice, as I am terrible about saving money. Hugs.

A Decade of BFNs said...

1st ~ You know I am sorry about the BFNs...we usually run neck and neck and therfore I thought this was your go too.

2nd ~ I like what you've done w/ the place.

3rd ~ "Then again maybe I'm looking at this wrong, maybe the universe is actually being kind. No, seriously. At least this way I can't have another miscarriage, right?" You need to stay out of the back of my mind. b/c even when that BFP gets here you can't help but be stuck in the same place you were when you were waiting to O and then waiting for the 2ww to finish. I am stuck. I can't move on, I can't celebrate, I can't even let myself get the tiniest bit happy over it. And that's why that statement is me.