Monday, June 22, 2009

Wasted Days

Where do I even start?

Do I start with waking in extreme jaw pain?
Or should I skip ahead to my monitoring visit?

Let's do that, shall we.

Let me fill you in on something about my REs clinic: Every time you go in for an ultrasound, you never know who you're going to get. It's like pop goes the weasel when you watch the door open. I can officially say that all four of the REs have now had a look down under.

Today I had the unpleasantness to meet a man I will now refer to as Dr. Asshat. He was the most uppity and cold RE I'd met in there. I much prefer Dr. BlowsSunshine's clammy optimism to this. Dr. Asshat starts our visit by forgetting to turn the mood lighting down, he asked my husband to do that after he's already stuck the wand in.

Then he did a cursory sweep, not taking the time to measure any follicle he didn't find to his liking. He didn't measure any on my right, and he only measured one on my left, which was a 13. He said all the other's were too small, although I must say, some of them looked like they weren't much smaller than that 13. He starts pushing down hard on my left, I guess trying to move lefty. Ummm, that hurt. Leave lefty alone, man! She can't help herself! Ungh.

He did another cursory sweep of the lining, and then left it at that. The other REs all put the information up on the screen, the follicles, the lining, etc... not Dr. Asshat. Nope, he leaves the screen and mumbles about the follicles. I am pissed at this point, and therefore not thinking correctly. I do manage to display my disdain for this cycle, and I voice my concerns about continuing on, since nothing is happening. I even mention concerns over egg quality. He dismisses my comments quickly, like I don't know what I'm talking about.

Fucking hell.

So, I proceeded to bawl my eyes out in the car on our hour drive home. I went to class, and I just about fell asleep in there. It was ttthhhaattt boring, and I was thhhhaattt sleep deprived. I looked a little bit like a zombie.

After coming home, and promptly falling in bed for a two hour nap, I wake to my phone ringing. My carpal tunnel prevented me from answering it (I look even more like a zombie when I try to answer the phone when I wake up. I can't bend my fingers/arms, and I just kind of flail them and try to open the phone with my chin... it's an interesting sight.) So, I answered the voicemail instead.

My estrogen did go up to 296, and Mean Nurse told me to up my dose by 37.5iu and to come back in on Thursday.

Ummm, hell no.

First of all, I don't know what difference and extra 37.5iu is going to make in 3 fucking days. And secondly, why the hell should I have to come back in so soon? I pay out of pocket for this ultrasounds! They add up, especially when they're $260 a pop! Not to mention the cost of all that blood work.

I called Mean Nurse back and voiced my concerns. She said she would talk to Dr. BlowsSunshine about maybe having me come in on Friday or Saturday instead... as if that will make a difference either!

When asked about egg quality concerns, she told me they don't worry about that unless the estrogen stands still... umm, yeah, it might not be standing still, but my follicle growth is! Is that not a fucking concern to anyone except me?

I am pissy. Pissy pissy pissy. I have been stimming for 20 days, and this feels like a crap shoot.
But when do you call it quits on a cycle?

I've already went through three 900iu pens of all that is a waste if I quit now,
but all that could be a waste, plus more, if I keep going.

I am beyond frustrated here.
I'm in pain, I'm exasperated, I'm bitchy, I'm pissy;
and I am livid.


The nurse called back, and Dr. BlowsSunshine really wants me to come back in on Thursday, because he doesn't want too long of a break between ultrasounds. I was not sold. But then she said what they can do is this, not charge me for Thursday's ultrasound... okay, so I guess I will be going in on Thursday afterall.


Celia said...

Argh dude. You need more cookie dough. I NEEDED POTATO CHIPS BUT SOMEONE ATE THEM. So I had gingersnaps, a brownie, and some m-n-ms.

And a nap. We are one.

This is what you need, in the frozen dessert section they have frozen cream puffs and eclairs. They are freakin delicious. Plus, soft so it won't hurt your poor mouth. They defrost in about five hours.

Another Dreamer said...

Celia, you've read my mind! A- might have to go out on a run to the store for me...

G$ said...

Despite my douchebag comments last week, you are getting close to the magive 300-400 Estrogen per mature follicle.... Now you can call me douchebagsunshine :)

I would probably stick with Thursday, at least you will know whether your body is responding to the up in dose and you should be close to trigger at that point. It sucks to get this far with all this money invested and have them throw more cost at you, but it seems par for the fucking course... oops, I sound bitter.

I am feeling optimistic about the estrogen level though :) Hang in there hun!

your favorite douchebagsunshineroller

Another Dreamer said...

G$, you are awesome :) I always appreciate your advice!

Kristin said...

Cookie dough ROCKS! But, what really lifts my mood when I am pissy and mad at life is a pint of Godiva Chocolate Raspberry Truffle ice cream. i hope the next u/s shows some significant growth of the follicles.

Anonymous said...

Oh hun, I'm sorry about Dr. Asshat. He sounds just awful.

The rise in estrogen is certainly promising. I know what you mean about the cost of ultrasounds and bloodwork, especially in a long, drawn out cycle. While that's great they will throw Thursdays's scan in for free, it's small consolation. I always envisioned a punch card, like they have for sandwiches or burritos - buy 5 ultrasounds, get the 6th for free!

I hope that there is some definite growth by Thursday.

Bluebird said...

ACCCKKKK!!! *That said*! I'm way impressed by your stick-to-it-ness and for the small victory you got in the end :)

Michelle said...

Ugh he sounds a lot like the partner at my RE clinic. I hate him and will do anything to avoid him. At least they are not going to charge you. that is good news!