When I picked up Go.od Gri.ef, by Loll.y Win.ston, I thought it would be nice to escape my own reality for a bit and see someone elses. I thought it would be a sad chik lit novel, something easy to read, but I wasn't prepared for what it really was.
A horror story so far. I was fighting tears as I turned the pages.
It wasn't just that the main character was an English major, or that her husband was a Software Developer (Like Myself and A-) Or that they were married for as long as us, and had tried to have a baby for as long too... and that they too were infetile.
I think what finally set me off was his death, and how many times I'd imagined myself in the main characters shoes. I honestly don't know what I would do without A-, and reading this book feels like it was taking me down the rabbit whole of "what if" because, how many times had I imagined just this? How many times I have worried and fretted when he left the house, every little ailment he won't see a doctor about. Because I can't lose him. It's not just, "I don't want to lose him," it's really, "I can't lose him."
I'm not even done with the book, but reading it, I let lose all those suppressed tears last night. I let myself actually feel what it would be like. I didn't just cursory think of the "what if"; I actually experienced it with the main character. There's a lot of grief when you go through infertility, a lot of scars. And then, the character has the scars from the loss of her spouse... it hurts even more. It's a scary place, and I hope I never have to go there.
I'm not even half way through. It was just so hard, reading it. It was interesting, a truly good book, but it really hit home. I guess I should go finish it now.
Have you ever been broadsided while you were reading something, or watching a movie? I mean, totally unexpected like that? I know a lot of people didn't expect it in the new movie, Up, and I saw a lot of comments on the internet about that. But this, this really really hit home. And as much as it hurts, it also feels good to let those emotions out; to feel the sadness, and ackowledge it.
Anyways. I am going to go pick the book back up, it took a lot of effort to put it down last night.
4 comments:
I think those moments are attribute to the author or the artist because they have to make it seem very real to trigger those emotions in us.
AD...yesterday evening I was watching Feast of Love, and one of the pairs was Oscar and Chloe...Morgan Freeman's character advised Chloe to go for a kid immediately after the marriage...and then go for a second again. Have two, he said.
His advise sprung from the loss of his only child.
Woops...I was crying.
Wow, talk about a book with similarities!
I hear you on the imagining the worst happening and losing dh. It's a strange thing to even consider but I understand how overwhelming the feelings can be.
I read a book in a long time series I'd been reading. Bam! It hits me as I'm reading- one of the main characters had a miscarriage and was about to have another. What?? Seriously?
Yeah, been there. Finish the book. That's my advice. It's really really hard but also very cathartic at the end.
This is such a real, tangent fear for me. Losing him too. Whenever I see a movie, read a book, etc, with that... no kids, no more husband, I lose it in a big way.
*Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb*
Sorry had to sing to get those thoughts out of my brain.
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