Friday, June 5, 2009

Take that Ovaries!

Follicle scan today... drum roll please. After three days of injects, I have multiple little follicles growing :) There looked like more than 5 trying to grow on my right ovary. Most are real tiny, but there seems to be a 9 already. I go back in on Wednesday for another ultrasound. No estrogen blood work today, because my beginning of the cycle visitor is still here... so it wouldn't help much anyway. They want me to stay on 75iu of Go.nal-f for now.

I'm still convinced that there is something up with my left ovary. I could just be blowing this out of proportion... since I was only monitored one cycle other than this one... so, what do I know? It was obscure on the screen, and it's follicles were super small and hardly noticeable at all. And I have a lot of tenderness/discomfort on my left during treatments... so I'm kinda wondering if there's something going on there.

My mother had Endometriosis... it didn't affect her fertility, but it caused her a lot of pain. She had three kids, and was tired of the pain. So she was advised to get a total hysterectomy. But the joke was on her, because I'm like a ninja. She was actually scheduled for it, and instead of taking her lady parts out, the doctor told her she was pregnant with me. I snuck right in there, and thwarted her plans. She was 25 at the time. She did end up getting it done a few years later, but I was her postponement.

You know, the doctor offered to do an abortion and go ahead with the hysterectomy. But my mother decided to keep me. So, although I am an accident (quite thoroughly) I was also a choice. She chose to have me. I have such an interesting conception/birth story, I swear. Not as interesting as others, but I get a kick out of mine. And then, after sneaking in like a ninja, I brewed until full term... and then went overdue. And then had to be induced... and after they told her they would have to do a c-section if I didn't come within the next few hours, out I came. I'm such a pest, ha ha ha.

Compare that to my brother, who 13 months before I was born came out so quickly they didn't have time to get her epidural, or even get the doctor for that matter. Man, am I stubborn.

I'm still sneaky like a ninja, and annoying like that ;) In case you were wondering.

But... I digress! I am still happy with today's results. I'm ecstatic to be on something that is working for once, and not wasting my time. I was just stunned. I mean, I knew it was going to work in theory, but I'm so used to nothing working that I half expected the same type of thing to happen this time too.

And because Were you looking for me? asked... I am going to share my winning poem. It isn't very good... but here you go. I wrote it about my first miscarriage, in reflection months later. We were driving home one night, and the trees really struck me. When we lost Sebastian, they were so full of life. Green leaves, little blossoming flowers, they were so beautiful. One burst of wind sent a single flower falling into my car window, and it landed in my hand when I wasn't looking. Months later Autumn took them, and the image of the trees, leafless and bare, became haunting. The way the wind made them sway, it struck me. Like waving out hands in mourning. The judges made a comment that they thought I over romanticized the landscape... but whatever.

This is the condensed version that I entered into the contest, it isn't my favorite version... but general disclaimers aside, here it is:

"Falling Leaves"

They watched us as we walked home that night,
sending light petals cascading,
so that one singular flower tumbled
into my empty hands.

We were not consoled even then
by their soft reassuring beauty.

Those same Trees watched us tonight,
in their agony echoing ours.
They were great mourners,
bending and sighing for the wind.

They contorted themselves,
doubled in two;
reaching around their starlit world,
trying to hold on to something,
anything, so great was their emptiness.

The Darkness folded around them,
trying to console the leafless Trees of Autumn,
but instead it drove them deeper
into their depression.

Every now and then,
some break in the throes
of grief.


Celia said...

I love that you are like a ninja. You know, our dwarf cat is named Ninja. Cause she is all black and so small you really have to search for her. She hides in plain sight all the time. She is two now, but still weighs only five pounds.

Your poem is lovely.

Kristin said...

You may not think it is very good but I think its beautiful.

And, I'm glad to hear the meds are working.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that the injectables are working! It's amazing, isn't it, when you jump to something that FORCES your ovaries to do something?

Your conception/birth story is quite amazing! You ARE like a ninja!

Your poem is beautiful and heartbreaking.

MrsSpock said...

My right ovary always did so much more than my left. Poor lefty :(.

I think pure gonadotropins seem to be doing the trick for you. Maybe your baby is like a ninja as well?

The Steadfast Warrior said...

You stealth ninja you! Now there's a story to pass down the family line. :)

So glad the meds seem to be doing their trick. I'm really hoping this cycle goes well for you.

Your poem... stunning. Really. I'd love to read the full version that you love sometime.