Thursday, January 22, 2009

Blog Slacking

I am blog slacking... not just at posting here but commenting on others. However, I am reading and thinking about everyone.

I've been so absorbed, and swallowed up, by my current course load at the university... that I can hardly find time to watch television right now. I can't even seem to find time to clean. I think I may have taken on more than I can handle this quarter... but no matter. I switched one of the classes to pass/fail, thereby eliminating one research paper and lots of pressure. Hopefully it will be easier from here on out.

I am on cycle day 8 now. Waiting for something to happen, or to not happen.

I can really tell how the years of trying to concieve have affected me, when it gets to this part of my cycle. The follicular phase, which in my case almost always ends up being the "ovaries-do-nothing" phase. Because they don't normally do anything, and even if they start to they just don't seem to want to follow through.

I feel like screaming, "Ovaries, I am begging you! Please, just give me one damn egg."
Not that it would do any good to do so... but I do think screaming is in order.

Lots of woman do fertility treatments, and ovulate wonderfully. Even if they don't get pregnant that cycle, I can't help but feel jealous of them. They actually had a chance, a possibility of pregnancy... I don't even get that.

Ungh. Self pity looks so ugly on me.

I decided to at least try and be positive this cycle. I'll let you know how that goes.


Tara said...

I've been a slacker too. I hope the pass/fail solution will help with your stress. And, I feel your pain. I am so sick of empty follicles and not even having the chance. I hope this cycle will be your one good egg!

Guera! said...

Thanks for your comment and remembering about my surgery! I really appreciate the kind words.

Penny said...

Boo for crazy courseloads.

I was one of the ovulators on the pill dealy-o, and yes, it does give you a few days of optimism, but then when it doesn't work and you know your husband's sample is just fine, you're left with a feeling of What the Fuckity Fuck?!? And then you get all paranoid that you've got something permanently, physically wrong with you.

Just, you know, lending one person's perspective on that.

Celia said...

You aren't slacking, blogging is a hobby- not a job.

* Yew nevva calllll yew nevva write*
That's me channeling my Mom for ya.

WiseGuy said...

Smiles for the comment you left on my blog (grinning actually). Thank You!

My condition is even funnier. I ovulate. And that's when I cuss that how with good eggs and good sperms, I am still a loser.

1+1=2 or ?

I am living a temporarily liberated life. I care two hoots about what cycle day it is. I could quote Rhett Butler from Gone With the Wind here.

How long will this spaced out phase last for me, I do not know. But I know that I led my life into a gutter keeping tabs and I was totally fed up of it. Somebody pinch me please!

Anonymous said...

Being positive is hard, but if you can do it, that's wonderful. I completely understand about the ovulation envy. I don't ovulate without gobs of injectables, and I highly doubt I will ovulate this rest cycle. I am holding on to some hope though, so I won't go crazy waiting.

Sometimes screaming makes you feel better too. I recommend doing it in the car, so you don't upset your neighbors!