The girls will be one next week. This Christmastime Vincent will be 4, he'll have been out of my womb for as long as it took us to conceive him. Time has a way of passing by before you know it. Those dark nights, filled with tears and hollowness, gave way to exhaustion and fulfillment. I am one of the lucky ones, and I will never lose sight of that.
For years our life was stagnant, we remained stuck due to our infertility and my recurrent losses. Our choices were forced. We had to take less risks. We had to stay near my doctors, hospitals, that understood my issues. We had to cut corners, cut costs, to save and save for treatments. Stay in positions that we would rather not.
A's job chose to terminate his department, doing away with his software, and we were once again forced to make a decision. It was time, something we were pursuing anyway, but this pushed the decision for us. And he found another position, a better position. I am so thankful. We spent months panicking, but we were lucky and this new position came through. We will likely be relocating to another state for this job. Another big change. And I find that it's time. I'm ready to move on. The things that held us here, no longer do. There is so much happiness, and so much sorrow, tied into where we are. We never planned to stay here this long. I don't know where life will take us after this, but I'm ready.
The girls' party is next weekend, I'm looking forward to celebrating their first year. And my surviving it, because it has not been easy. I still struggle, but little by little I think things are getting better. My fog of depression is lifting, and I can breathe a little easier. One day at a time.