So, definitely a no go.
P4 1.9
Today is officially cycle day 1.
I talk to the RE tomorrow, and have a baseline... and a Q and A session.
Q's like,
"What the hell went wrong?"
"What are you going to do different?"
"Why didn't I ovulate?"
"Can we try higher doses of injects and HCG?"
"Where is my baby?"
There better not be any cysts. I will be a mad woman if there is!
Wait, I'm already a mad woman...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Too soon
If I wasn't still in denial I would call this cycle day 1. It's way too soon for cycle day one. Since I am in denial, I am going to deny it until I get the results from my progesterone draw... I won't call it anything at all, except unfortunate.
I wonder if I even ovulated at all.
I wonder if I even ovulated at all.
Quiet
As you may have noticed, I have been a little MIA here lately. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened. I think part of it was being busy; with school, with work, with ridiculous family bickerings. The other part is that I don't have much to say right now, I'm really just trying not to think too much about where I am currently and what's coming up.
I slacked off all day and now must face the consequences: late night laundry.
So, I figure that if I was ever going to have the time, it would be now.
The abdominal pain finally subsided a few days ago. Thank goodness, that was ridiculous. I was told it may come back when I give myself the booster HCG trigger- which is tomorrow - but we'll see. I also go in for my P4 tomorrow. So, we'll finally see what is up with that number I guess.
I tested yesterday and the test came back negative, so I am assuming the trigger was either completely out or mostly out.
I thought everything was going fine until today, when I noticed quite a bit of spotting. I am now on red alert. Part of me wants to believe it was implantation spotting, but part of my fears the worst... the spotting was quite a bit more than it would be for implantation spotting, so I wonder if the end is near already.... I am only 8 days past ovulation. It would be total chaos and disorder.
I suppose that I'm going to have to just wait and see what happens tomorrow.
I slacked off all day and now must face the consequences: late night laundry.
So, I figure that if I was ever going to have the time, it would be now.
The abdominal pain finally subsided a few days ago. Thank goodness, that was ridiculous. I was told it may come back when I give myself the booster HCG trigger- which is tomorrow - but we'll see. I also go in for my P4 tomorrow. So, we'll finally see what is up with that number I guess.
I tested yesterday and the test came back negative, so I am assuming the trigger was either completely out or mostly out.
I thought everything was going fine until today, when I noticed quite a bit of spotting. I am now on red alert. Part of me wants to believe it was implantation spotting, but part of my fears the worst... the spotting was quite a bit more than it would be for implantation spotting, so I wonder if the end is near already.... I am only 8 days past ovulation. It would be total chaos and disorder.
I suppose that I'm going to have to just wait and see what happens tomorrow.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Disconnected
My internet broke over the weekend, it was super annoying. Now I need to go back and get all caught up on my blogroll!
I was checking my email on A-s phone, but that was a pain in the butt to use.
My trigger shot went okay Friday, stupid intramuscular shots are the evil. I had to give it to myself in my thigh, since no one would help me, and I can't reach around and give myself a shot in the bum because my arms just aren't that bendy. So, the thigh it had to be. While the shot itself wasn't too bad, the after effect was. The soreness is more than aggravating, but it's getting better now.
I think I may have Ov'ed yesterday.
My abdomen is really sore and tender (Mild OHSS or general tummy upset? Not sure.) I'm trying to drink lots of fluids and just relax.
Here's where this two week wait stands:
I give myself a booster trigger shot on the 5th, and a progesterone draw on the 6th.
I should be able to test around July 12th, which just so happens to be A- and I's anniversary. We will have been together for 6 years, and married for 3.
Now, the question: Will I get good news, or bad news, on our anniversary?
I was checking my email on A-s phone, but that was a pain in the butt to use.
My trigger shot went okay Friday, stupid intramuscular shots are the evil. I had to give it to myself in my thigh, since no one would help me, and I can't reach around and give myself a shot in the bum because my arms just aren't that bendy. So, the thigh it had to be. While the shot itself wasn't too bad, the after effect was. The soreness is more than aggravating, but it's getting better now.
I think I may have Ov'ed yesterday.
My abdomen is really sore and tender (Mild OHSS or general tummy upset? Not sure.) I'm trying to drink lots of fluids and just relax.
Here's where this two week wait stands:
I give myself a booster trigger shot on the 5th, and a progesterone draw on the 6th.
I should be able to test around July 12th, which just so happens to be A- and I's anniversary. We will have been together for 6 years, and married for 3.
Now, the question: Will I get good news, or bad news, on our anniversary?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Good news for once!
I actually got good news for once! Yay!
Okay, so my estrogen went up to 1,208. Lefty is rocking a 16.5 and a 13. Righty is rocking one or two 13s too. Don't know if any of those 13s will mature in time, because I am triggering.... drum roll please... tomorrow! I get to do a booster shot nine days later, and a P4 on Monday the 6th.
This forsaken long cycle is nearing it's end! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Now, as to whether there will be a baby at the end of this... is a totally different story.
We'll see.
For now, I am happy and content to know that I am going to ovulate. I actually have a chance this month. A real, honest to goodness, chance.
Okay, so my estrogen went up to 1,208. Lefty is rocking a 16.5 and a 13. Righty is rocking one or two 13s too. Don't know if any of those 13s will mature in time, because I am triggering.... drum roll please... tomorrow! I get to do a booster shot nine days later, and a P4 on Monday the 6th.
This forsaken long cycle is nearing it's end! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Now, as to whether there will be a baby at the end of this... is a totally different story.
We'll see.
For now, I am happy and content to know that I am going to ovulate. I actually have a chance this month. A real, honest to goodness, chance.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Wasted Days
Where do I even start?
Do I start with waking in extreme jaw pain?
Or should I skip ahead to my monitoring visit?
Let's do that, shall we.
Let me fill you in on something about my REs clinic: Every time you go in for an ultrasound, you never know who you're going to get. It's like pop goes the weasel when you watch the door open. I can officially say that all four of the REs have now had a look down under.
Today I had the unpleasantness to meet a man I will now refer to as Dr. Asshat. He was the most uppity and cold RE I'd met in there. I much prefer Dr. BlowsSunshine's clammy optimism to this. Dr. Asshat starts our visit by forgetting to turn the mood lighting down, he asked my husband to do that after he's already stuck the wand in.
Then he did a cursory sweep, not taking the time to measure any follicle he didn't find to his liking. He didn't measure any on my right, and he only measured one on my left, which was a 13. He said all the other's were too small, although I must say, some of them looked like they weren't much smaller than that 13. He starts pushing down hard on my left, I guess trying to move lefty. Ummm, that hurt. Leave lefty alone, man! She can't help herself! Ungh.
He did another cursory sweep of the lining, and then left it at that. The other REs all put the information up on the screen, the follicles, the lining, etc... not Dr. Asshat. Nope, he leaves the screen and mumbles about the follicles. I am pissed at this point, and therefore not thinking correctly. I do manage to display my disdain for this cycle, and I voice my concerns about continuing on, since nothing is happening. I even mention concerns over egg quality. He dismisses my comments quickly, like I don't know what I'm talking about.
Fucking hell.
So, I proceeded to bawl my eyes out in the car on our hour drive home. I went to class, and I just about fell asleep in there. It was ttthhhaattt boring, and I was thhhhaattt sleep deprived. I looked a little bit like a zombie.
After coming home, and promptly falling in bed for a two hour nap, I wake to my phone ringing. My carpal tunnel prevented me from answering it (I look even more like a zombie when I try to answer the phone when I wake up. I can't bend my fingers/arms, and I just kind of flail them and try to open the phone with my chin... it's an interesting sight.) So, I answered the voicemail instead.
My estrogen did go up to 296, and Mean Nurse told me to up my dose by 37.5iu and to come back in on Thursday.
Ummm, hell no.
First of all, I don't know what difference and extra 37.5iu is going to make in 3 fucking days. And secondly, why the hell should I have to come back in so soon? I pay out of pocket for this ultrasounds! They add up, especially when they're $260 a pop! Not to mention the cost of all that blood work.
I called Mean Nurse back and voiced my concerns. She said she would talk to Dr. BlowsSunshine about maybe having me come in on Friday or Saturday instead... as if that will make a difference either!
When asked about egg quality concerns, she told me they don't worry about that unless the estrogen stands still... umm, yeah, it might not be standing still, but my follicle growth is! Is that not a fucking concern to anyone except me?
I am pissy. Pissy pissy pissy. I have been stimming for 20 days, and this feels like a crap shoot.
But when do you call it quits on a cycle?
I've already went through three 900iu pens of G.on.al-F... all that is a waste if I quit now,
but all that could be a waste, plus more, if I keep going.
I am beyond frustrated here.
I'm in pain, I'm exasperated, I'm bitchy, I'm pissy;
and I am livid.
...
The nurse called back, and Dr. BlowsSunshine really wants me to come back in on Thursday, because he doesn't want too long of a break between ultrasounds. I was not sold. But then she said what they can do is this, not charge me for Thursday's ultrasound... okay, so I guess I will be going in on Thursday afterall.
Do I start with waking in extreme jaw pain?
Or should I skip ahead to my monitoring visit?
Let's do that, shall we.
Let me fill you in on something about my REs clinic: Every time you go in for an ultrasound, you never know who you're going to get. It's like pop goes the weasel when you watch the door open. I can officially say that all four of the REs have now had a look down under.
Today I had the unpleasantness to meet a man I will now refer to as Dr. Asshat. He was the most uppity and cold RE I'd met in there. I much prefer Dr. BlowsSunshine's clammy optimism to this. Dr. Asshat starts our visit by forgetting to turn the mood lighting down, he asked my husband to do that after he's already stuck the wand in.
Then he did a cursory sweep, not taking the time to measure any follicle he didn't find to his liking. He didn't measure any on my right, and he only measured one on my left, which was a 13. He said all the other's were too small, although I must say, some of them looked like they weren't much smaller than that 13. He starts pushing down hard on my left, I guess trying to move lefty. Ummm, that hurt. Leave lefty alone, man! She can't help herself! Ungh.
He did another cursory sweep of the lining, and then left it at that. The other REs all put the information up on the screen, the follicles, the lining, etc... not Dr. Asshat. Nope, he leaves the screen and mumbles about the follicles. I am pissed at this point, and therefore not thinking correctly. I do manage to display my disdain for this cycle, and I voice my concerns about continuing on, since nothing is happening. I even mention concerns over egg quality. He dismisses my comments quickly, like I don't know what I'm talking about.
Fucking hell.
So, I proceeded to bawl my eyes out in the car on our hour drive home. I went to class, and I just about fell asleep in there. It was ttthhhaattt boring, and I was thhhhaattt sleep deprived. I looked a little bit like a zombie.
After coming home, and promptly falling in bed for a two hour nap, I wake to my phone ringing. My carpal tunnel prevented me from answering it (I look even more like a zombie when I try to answer the phone when I wake up. I can't bend my fingers/arms, and I just kind of flail them and try to open the phone with my chin... it's an interesting sight.) So, I answered the voicemail instead.
My estrogen did go up to 296, and Mean Nurse told me to up my dose by 37.5iu and to come back in on Thursday.
Ummm, hell no.
First of all, I don't know what difference and extra 37.5iu is going to make in 3 fucking days. And secondly, why the hell should I have to come back in so soon? I pay out of pocket for this ultrasounds! They add up, especially when they're $260 a pop! Not to mention the cost of all that blood work.
I called Mean Nurse back and voiced my concerns. She said she would talk to Dr. BlowsSunshine about maybe having me come in on Friday or Saturday instead... as if that will make a difference either!
When asked about egg quality concerns, she told me they don't worry about that unless the estrogen stands still... umm, yeah, it might not be standing still, but my follicle growth is! Is that not a fucking concern to anyone except me?
I am pissy. Pissy pissy pissy. I have been stimming for 20 days, and this feels like a crap shoot.
But when do you call it quits on a cycle?
I've already went through three 900iu pens of G.on.al-F... all that is a waste if I quit now,
but all that could be a waste, plus more, if I keep going.
I am beyond frustrated here.
I'm in pain, I'm exasperated, I'm bitchy, I'm pissy;
and I am livid.
...
The nurse called back, and Dr. BlowsSunshine really wants me to come back in on Thursday, because he doesn't want too long of a break between ultrasounds. I was not sold. But then she said what they can do is this, not charge me for Thursday's ultrasound... okay, so I guess I will be going in on Thursday afterall.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Solving the Mystery of Lefty
So, I went in for my ultrasound today. Things are progressing, I guess. I had a 10, and a 12, on my right... plus lots of tiny follicles. On my elusive left I had a 9 and an 11.
And after Dr. BlowsSunshine was digging around, he apologized for hurting me with the stupid wand in the quest of lefty, like they always do. Let me tell you now, it hurts like a bitch finding lefty. Lefty never wants to be found. Lefty is a ninja.
So I said,"Why is that? You guys always seem to have trouble finding the left one."
"Oh, it seems to be tucked behind your uterus. So we have to move the wand around to get it angled just right behind the uterus."
Oh. Ummm, okay?
Estrogen went up to 160... bah. I go back in on Monday.
They told me to keep it at 150iu... why!!! I am seriously getting a bit peeved about this.
It doesn't help that my tooth is hurting like mad, and the soonest a dentist can get me in is the 26th. Trust me, I called around. I called five different dentists. All the others quoted me like, July 6th and shit. I don't want to wait two more weeks with this tooth pain! I don't even want to wait another day, but I guess I'll have to. Another week to be exact. This blows.
Needless to say, when I got home from the REs (at the butt crack of dawn), I started to call several dentists, in my crappy mood and in pain and in need of sleep. After being told outrageous waiting dates for appointments, I proceded to throw myself down on the couch, have a good cry, and then proceded back up to bed. For a second, I wondered if I'd entered a time warp and was back in high school.... ha.
And after Dr. BlowsSunshine was digging around, he apologized for hurting me with the stupid wand in the quest of lefty, like they always do. Let me tell you now, it hurts like a bitch finding lefty. Lefty never wants to be found. Lefty is a ninja.
So I said,"Why is that? You guys always seem to have trouble finding the left one."
"Oh, it seems to be tucked behind your uterus. So we have to move the wand around to get it angled just right behind the uterus."
Oh. Ummm, okay?
Estrogen went up to 160... bah. I go back in on Monday.
They told me to keep it at 150iu... why!!! I am seriously getting a bit peeved about this.
It doesn't help that my tooth is hurting like mad, and the soonest a dentist can get me in is the 26th. Trust me, I called around. I called five different dentists. All the others quoted me like, July 6th and shit. I don't want to wait two more weeks with this tooth pain! I don't even want to wait another day, but I guess I'll have to. Another week to be exact. This blows.
Needless to say, when I got home from the REs (at the butt crack of dawn), I started to call several dentists, in my crappy mood and in pain and in need of sleep. After being told outrageous waiting dates for appointments, I proceded to throw myself down on the couch, have a good cry, and then proceded back up to bed. For a second, I wondered if I'd entered a time warp and was back in high school.... ha.
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