Sunday, December 1, 2013

Still here-

Almost a week until our next ultrasound. Not that I'm counting down the days or anything. Thankfully this past week went quickly because of the holidays and the fanfare it brings. I had trouble hiding my bloat, but I think most people just assumed I gained some weight back so they didn't say anything.

Monday I'll be 8w4d. I had started relaxing by that point with V, we had a great scan at 8w1d... then two days later everything hit the fan thanks to my subchorionic hematoma (SCH). Then again at 9w4d. This week is going to be a long one, I'm telling you that now. We don't know what causes SCHs, just that certain populations seem to be at increased risk (read: ME). Will I get another one? I don't know... but I know it can happen at any time and it's completely out of my control. There's nothing I can do to stop it, nothing that can predict it, nothing that can help me recover from it if it does happen, nothing I can do to stop it from causing damage.

I feel like with two in there it's more risky should I get one, and that scares me. I specifically remember a conversation with my mother last pregnancy, she said "Too bad it isn't twins," and I looked at her and said, "I'm glad it's not. The SCH is huge, it probably would have detached the other ones placenta." V's was massive, and if there had been more than one in there it probably would have. My REs both (old and current) thought I had a high chance of getting another one this pregnancy, and they both told me, "Hopefully not as bad."

We didn't discuss the risk with multiples and we haven't discussed the possibility of another SCH since. Maybe I'm borrowing worry, but it's a very real possibility and I just want to prepare myself. I wasn't prepared with V, I saw the blood and assumed the worst. With that amount of blood, I don't know anyone who wouldn't! And I know there's a good chance it can happen again.

So far I haven't experienced any spotting or bleeding, but that can change at the drop of a hat and I know that. Things can go from happy to harrowing without notice. You can go from pregnant, to limbo (or simply not pregnant) before you know it.

Pregnancy is such a fragile condition.


Nothing bad has happened yet- may it stay that way.


Celia said...

I just went Wednesday and now I don't go back til after Christmas. STRESS. At least I can feel movement now.

I wish I had some jolly advice for you. No. Just to take it easy. I found a big tub of play doh and stickers to be excellent quiet toys for Peter at V's stage, and something I could do with him while sitting so you can rest.

Sadie said...

It IS a fragile condition! The reality of that (at least fro some of us) makes me kind of intolerant of all that 'our bodies were made for this', earth mother stuff, because it seems it's in total denial. Anyway, I digress...

It would be a miracle if you weren't anxious about all these possibilities, but I'm so happy to hear that so far, everything is going so smoothly. I'm awaiting more fantastic news from those two little buggers!

Rebecca said...

Hoping all continues to go so much better with this pregnancy. Thinking of you.