Lost and Found-

Things have been kind of mellow (I'm shocked too). I'm not stressed about the microwave, the one we have works well enough for now. I do plan on replacing it before Christmas, but for now I don't really care as much as I thought I would. The dryer... I don't mind hanging the clothes out for now. It's a little inconvenient, and the hair/lint on darker colored things bothers me (comforters are going to have to make their way to the laundromat *shudder*) but I'm cool. The weather is nice enough that it's not a huge issue. It actually gives me a little moment of quiet peace, taking it out there and hanging it while V plays. I hang the clothes, then retreat to my bench, and just watch the little guy run loose. I guess you could say it's actually given me a bit of zen about things.

Which is weird, because it's actually more work for me. The laundry is now all my domain, while before it was A's.

I'm still taking my supplements. I should call about coverage for the saline ultrasound soon. I keep putting things off, telling myself I can deal with it later. Which is true enough, but it's almost August now. I need to get on things. My BCPs isn't working either, so I'll have to call about that too. I feel much better since the partial root canal and the course of antibiotics. I have to finish the root canal soon, but for now... whew. Such a relief.

I'm trying to focus on my diet, and doing okay. I could do better, but I've made some progress. Seriously, it is way to easy to gain and such a pain to lose. I should heed that lesson, and take better care. It would mean less work for me.

We shook things up here, by choice, last week. As you may recall, we lost both our dogs last year, and I wasn't planning on getting a new one for a very long time. I had them both for around 13 years, and the thought of going through that again was too much. I still miss them so much. Then, as time passed I started to miss having a dog in general, too. I started following our dog pound and humane society on FB, not with the intention of getting a dog anytime soon... just to see (who am I kidding, right?) A has been hinting that he wanted another dog too. I think his desire for a new dog was much stronger than mine, but he didn't want to say anything because I made my stance very clear- in a few years, not now.

So of course, the perfect dog popped up. And we adopted him.

They think he's 3-4 years old, and he's a Chihuahua. He was a stray, and no one turned up to claim him; he'd been there a week. He has a skin condition, I believe he may have been living off of table scraps, his nails were so long they curled under and it was hard for him to walk, and there are some signs of possible past abuse. We have to get him his shots, and neutered, but right now he has kennel cough and we're trying to determine the cause of his skin issue (he's on antibiotics and antihistamines).

The past few days have been a learning experience, as we discover who he is and what he's been through. He really is a sweet dog though, totally ignores the cats, doesn't mind V at all, and already latched onto A and myself. He's not leash trained (I think it's something more than that, possibly abuse related), so that's something we have to work on.

So that's the crazy thing we did last week. And oddly enough, I don't regret it. I feel like I should, since the timing wasn't the best, but I guess sometimes life works out like that. We already love him, and A is just... entirely smitten.

If it's not one thing...

After my last post I came down with a headache. Which followed up with a toothache. Then waves of stabbing pain, which hurt so much I simultaneously cried and had to stop myself from vomiting whilst passing out. By Friday, it was so unbearable I knew I needed to get in with the emergency dentist. So off we went, only to be told they couldn't figure it out. The pain was too general, it was so widespread I could not pinpoint which tooth was the offender. So they prescribed some antibiotics and pain killers, and I called  my regular dentist for an emergency appointment. I would have went to them in the first place, but there was no way they were getting me in on a Friday like that. No. way.

So after a weekend of antibiotics/pain killers I was able to isolate which tooth hurt (rather than my whole jaw being on fire with pain). Looks like it became abscessed... yay me. They went ahead and drilled a hole into it today (basically the start of a root canal), to help it drain and relieve some of the pressure. After the Novocaine wore off, I've been feeling much better. Even my intense migraine has subsided a bit. THANKFULLY. I swear, I was starting to lose it from the pain. I have to call tomorrow to schedule the root canal, but for now things are a little easier.

Seriously, my luck is going to change soon right? We have got to be turning the corner!

Sorting through it-

The water heater got replaced, so that was good. I've been savoring the hot water, being able to wash dishes without heating the water in a pot, and taking hot showers. The small things can really be the big things sometimes.

We decided to wait on the microwave, as it's non-essential. My mother gave us her old one she had because she had upgraded, so we set that up. It's really old school, it has a turn style knob with a timer. It's tiny too. It'll do though, and that's what matters!

We're still waiting on the dryer. Ours is definitely fried, it won't stay on and it emits a weird electric smell when turned on. So, you know, that's not good. We can get a discount on one because A's dad works at a factory that makes dryers, so were planning on doing that. It's still an unexpected expense, but that should soften the blow. We'll have to figure out transportation though, which is a bit more tricky. We'll get that taken care of next month.

A spent $3 at the laundromat the other day, so today I spent $4 on a clothesline and clothespins. We used to line dry our clothes where we lived before, but I was never a big fan. I think it'll be okay for some things, but it really doesn't work well when you have cats. Dryers do a much better job removing pet hair. It doesn't help that the cats are shedding right now. So much fur everywhere, gah. I brush them, and brush them, and vacuum, and dust, but it's never ending. Clothes don't stand a chance.

Anyway, we're going to cutback even more so we can take care of things, and keep saving money for our cycle. I'm hoping with the cutbacks we can save a little more each month than we're doing now.

I'm still really flustered over all the bad luck we've been having. It feels like it's one thing after another, and I hate that. I feel like I'm a living testament to Murphey's Law right now.

In other news, I've gained back more weight so I'm even more determined to focus on that. My shorts are getting tighter, and I am not happy about that! It's one of the few things I know I can take control of. Hopefully. So back to the grind. I'm kicking my workouts down a notch, because I can't keep up with 5mph. My lungs hurt too much, my asthma has been giving me a lot of issues lately and I just can't handle it. So back down to 4mph, where I'm going to stay. I had hoped to go for a walk today, but it was just too hot and humid.

I'm trying to work through my mental issues with eating, and my addiction to sweet things (desserts & drinks specifically). I'm going back to one cheat day a week, and no sweet drinks at all otherwise. Sweetened drinks are my biggest crutch- I developed a bad lemonade addiction this summer, and that has not helped anything! I stocked my fridge with grapes and watermelon. Low calorie and somewhat health- I'm hoping they help satisfy my sweet tooth. So far so good. I did great yesterday, and I'm hoping I can follow suit today.

The good and the bad-

Our anniversary today has been alright. Yesterday we had a wonderful time though, and that more than makes up for it. But I am so ready for this week to be over. Poor A, his vacation has left something to be desired.

Where to begin? I think it started with the water main leak on our property. We had seven days to get that fixed, or they would have shut off our water. Thankfully A's dad (our landlord) and A fixed it by themselves. Whew. It took forever though because of tree roots, and the yard is a mess. It was resolved though! Huzzah for the small things.

After that, we had the flooding. We've had rain almost every day for the past two weeks now, and the other day it was really bad. So bad the basement flooded. This has happened before mind you, but not quite on this scale. We didn't realize it was flooding until it was too late. The washer/dryer are down there, by the way. So the dryer wasn't unplugged, and we hear it going "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" until it shut off by itself. The water was pretty high. It put out the pilot light on our water heater too.

So we got that sump pumped out and dry again, but too late to contain the damage. The dryer won't stay running. We're hoping once it dries out more it'll be fine, or that it's an easy fix. I may cry otherwise. The pilot light on the water heater won't stay lit, really won't even relight. It's older than me, so we're figuring it's officially bit the dust. So we've been without hot water and a dryer for three days now. A and his dad are replacing the hot water tank tomorrow. If all goes according to plan. Fingers crossed.

Completely unrelated to the flooding? Our microwave stopped working. I kid you not, same night. The microwave will light up, it'll spin, but it wasn't heating anything. It's a museum display for food you can't eat!

It's moments like these that I'm convinced we have gremlins.

Sigh.

Yesterday we nixed our original plans, considering our luck we didn't want to risk a six hour round trip. Instead we went to an area we frequent, but a park we've never been before. It was beautiful (and free, which made me happy!). I got some nice portraits of V, besides the huge bruise on his forehead. I feel like he has a perpetual bruise there! I suppose I can look at it as a testament of his childhood though, or his rite of passage into boyhood. We did family photos too, so I got new prints to update the ones on our mantle finally.

Today started with V's 18 month check-up, bright and early. The pediatrician was happy with his word progress, and progress in other areas. So, thankfully we didn't have to fight anymore about speech therapy! V got his last vaccination for a few years. He now associates laying on the exam table with his shots though, so laying him down to get his height did not go well. He's been crabby all day now too. He hasn't grown any in the past six months, not height or weight, but he sure feels like it. The doctor wasn't worried though, as V is very active and that can explain the weight. As for the height, we don't know how accurate that was since he was being a wiggle worm.

So, it's our anniversary too. We had a picnic later and took him to the park. We would have went to the park where we got married, but it was flooded. Go figure, right? We had a good time regardless, so it was alright. V played with the alphabet spinners and sang out random letters. He's trying. I have to give him credit for effort! He knows that they're letters, even if he doesn't know them. I think it's adorable.

Of course I got a huge bruise on my back now from chasing after him... but I think it was worth it.

I might need someone to remind me I said that later.

So, that's the good and bad of it. It's been a rough week. There were good points, but I'm still ready for this week to be OVER. And I'm hoping- HOPING- that next week goes smoother!

On passing a Decade-

A and I are approaching our triple anniversary on Friday. I can't believe how long it's been. Almost ten years ago I started dating my best friend. Almost nine years ago we got engaged. Almost seven years ago? We got married.

It doesn't seem that long. Not really.

A little over ten years ago now I sat on my back porch, with my best friend, watching the fireworks. Between us was the unspoken question, "Does (s)he feel the same?" Yes- and it could lead to something amazing. No- and it could mean the end of a very close friendship. The fireworks rang out, our neighbors cajoled and lit sparklers, all around us was chaos, while we existed in our own little bubble.

Happily the answer was yes (obviously!) but it took us another week before either of us worked up the courage to ask. Introverts trying to date, funny stuff. I always remember that forth of July though, and mark it as special. We pass it every year as we lead up to our real anniversary, and it still lends sweetness to my memory.

I remember when he asked, I said, "It's about time," and we had a good laugh. We spent an aimless summer together, young and loose on the world for the first time. We had just graduated high school, and in our little bubble, only the other one mattered.

Weeks into our relationship, he said, "I'm going to marry you."
I laughed.

A year later, he proposed.

Two years later, we held the ceremony, and the rest is history.

Our life together hasn't been what we imagined. This isn't what we planned. Things haven't been easy; life changed and the world remained slippery beneath our feet. We loved, we lost, we gained, we learned that sometimes the only option left is to say goodbye- whether it's to former thoughts, desires, or dreams. We've had wonderful things happen, and terrible too. We've weathered youth and naivety, as well as maturation and bitterness.

I can't say that I wouldn't change things, because I would. I wish our children were here, all of them. I wish we had been able to move on with our lives, that a living child wasn't so darn near impossible, that having a second child wasn't so complicated, that everything didn't fall down to what we can do versus what we should. I wish we had fought less, and made love more. That we had learned to handle our arguments better, sooner. There's a lot I would have changed.

What I wouldn't change? How we grew together. How we always worked through our difference. The nights spent laughing, or holding each other as the world fell down. The choice I made over ten years ago, when I knew, even in my youth that this guy... this guy right here? He was the one.

This is our life, a decade in the making. Good and bad. We learned the depth of our adolescent love, and built upon it's foundation an enduring love. One strong enough to stand, even as the world we know crumbles at our feet.

There are plenty of things I'm not content with in life, but in this... my heart has found peace, and I am content. I hope that as the years continue to collect, we will continue to build upon our foundation. We will grow together, rather than apart. I hope that one day we will look back at everything that has passed, and smile at each other, knowing that this, this right here, is enough.

Here's to the rest of our lives.

Researching

I started my Inositol and Flaxseed, as you know. The powder isn't bad, it has a hint of sweetness; I don't even notice it in my lemonade. I still haven't decided out what dose I should take of either though.With the Flaxseed (1g) it says to take 2-3 times a day. I've settled with two a day, and hopefully that will be enough. The Inositol recommendations really vary though. The package says 1-3 times a day (1/4tsp = 1g). Online I see most people using 2g, but then some people say 4g (Pregnitude seems to use this amount). Right now I'm doing 2g a day, and I'm still on 2,000mg Metformin. While my RE had no hesitations about taking them together, and recommended Pregnitude (which would mean 4g a day), online some people say not to. I defer to my doctor, obviously, but I don't want to overdo it.

Oh the joys of debating against myself- an argument I never truly win!

I looked up studies on it, and there's been some interesting stuff since I got pregnant with V. Mind you, I took 2g a day back then hoping it would help egg quality. There weren't a lot of studies though, and even now there aren't what I would call a lot. I did see a few suggesting that it may improve egg quality in PCOS women though (here, and here). The first one showed an improvement in mature eggs and decrease in immature ones. It doesn't say how many were in the study, and I can't see the specifics, but it is interesting. The second study compares Inositol to D-Chiro-Inositol (which was the recommended form years ago) and their effects on oocyte/embryo quality; the study favors Inositol. The first study said the women took 2g a day for 3 months, so I think starting it now makes even more sense. I don't know how much it helped with the cycle I conceived V, but it's something I definitely want to try again in earnest.

Now if I could just decide on dose, ha! I think 2g for now is good, but I may increase it was we get closer to go time. I've been on it for a day or two now, and I haven't had any issues so far. Same with the flaxseed oil. If I'm lucky I'll see some results from all this, and if not, well at least I gave it a shot.