Sunday, August 11, 2013


"Have you given anymore thought to trying again?"

"Have you considered going back to treatments?"

Twice in the last two days? Really?

No. Okay. No. I haven't given it ANY thought. Ever. It's not like it haunts me or anything. It's not like the new-nephew-baby-mania doesn't bring up those feelings of inadequacy, but yeah... this is the perfect time to ask me that.

Their hearts are in the right place. I know. I KNOW.

But I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to be pestered, I don't want the pity, the intrusion. So I dodged. And dodged. I've managed to steer the conversation tactfully, while not really answering. I mention how treatments cost money, and there's a lot of stuff involved... blah blah blah, implications of stuff, then I steer that conversation right out of that whole area.

Still. This is the second time my mother had asked in the last couple months.

She might be on to me.


Sara / Aryanhwy said...

How are people going to know that you don't want to talk about it if you don't tell them that? What's wrong with replying to these questions with a direct "This isn't something that I want to talk about right now" reply? Other people can't read your mind -- their hearts may be in the right place, but they can't know that you don't want to talk about it unless you tell them that you don't.

AnotherDreamer said...

Fair enough.

I can't think of a way to be tactful enough, to be honest. My mother takes everything personally, and with her mental illness it makes it harder. My sister... well, she asked at a birthday party in front of 5 people, whew, caught me completely off guard! I was so pen about when we were trying before that everyone thinks it's okay, and I have to find a way to let them know that this is different I guess.

I should have something at the ready though, for when these situations pop up. My passive aggressive postings on FB about not asking are obviously missing their marks lol.

Sadie said...

Uhg. So sorry friend. Clueless and frankly intrusive prodding is always tough to deal with, not least when it comes from family who are caught up in a baby mania. Well-meaning or not, you have every reason to feel fed up and aggravated. I understand...Your mother could be related to mine! She wants to show her support, her interest, but really...I have the same kind of sarky 'Gee no, we hadn't thought of that' responses running through my head. It can just be hard talking about it with people who haven't been there, because I sometimes end up feeling like I'm providing public education, and that's just exhausting. Nothing about this is easy. Sending hugs.

Celia said...

We get "you're DONE, right??" Along with meaningful looks at our two veryvery active children. sigh. My father actually told us we were crazy to want another. Ok true, but not nice.

iamstacey said...

As if having a new baby around the family isn't reminder enough. *sigh* There's really no easy, tactful way around it, and you're right avoidance only works for so long and then you either have to spill the whole story or be blunt about not wanting to talk about it. That sucks.

jessiwallace said...

Someone asked me on Sunday if I was pregnant. I mean, RUDE?! Sorry, lady. I know how you feel. So pushed!!