Monday, August 13, 2012


Last weekend we went to a birthday party for one of my nieces. While we were there we saw my brother and his family. We went thinking he wouldn't show, because he never does for their birthday parties. We were wrong.

My oldest brother and I have a difficult relationship. There were a lot of things that happened in the past that I'm going to leave there. In the present though, he's said things to me during our struggle with infertility that hurt very badly. After the first miscarriage and our induction to fertility treatments, he told me that he wishes he was infertile. Him and his ex-girlfriend often joked about how we should take their children, then we wouldn't want kids. This was always at family gatherings, Christmas or Thanksgiving... because that's honestly the only time we ever saw them.

So, he came to us as we were leaving and chatted with us. He asked how I was enjoying motherhood, and I said something about how it was wonderful. He proceeded to tell me that the novelty wears off after awhile.

My brother has no clue.

He has two older sisters, one who just adopted, one who suffered a still birth, and then he has me, his little sister... yet he still doesn't grasp that some of us would do anything for our children. He never actually stopped to consider how we might feel. Or maybe he's just projecting his own feelings about his experience, his children were not planned, and came at a bad time in his relationship both times. I know he loves his children, but it makes me wonder if he's harboring some resentment.

See, I don't believe that the novelty of having children ever wears off. I look forward to having another child, god willing, because I would love to do this all over again. I'm excited and planning on things to come, thinking about all the things I want to share with V, places I want to take him, things I want to do with him, experiences I want to share. I didn't go through what I did just because I wanted a baby, I did it because I wanted to be a parent. Yes, I wanted the experience of having a baby, but the things I look forward to the most is experiencing life with him, taking him on trips with us, snuggling while having a movie night, playing board games, camping, building forts, going for bike rides, hiking... getting to know him, and growing with him. To me, this is an amazing time, but there is still so much more to come.

So, no, I don't believe that the novelty is going to wear off. Motherhood isn't perfect, we have our bad days, and it's hard- but I never expected it to be easy. I knew what I was getting into, and I did it anyway, because it's worth it. This is the life I wanted, and I know how close I came to never having it. My son is my dream come true. I know we'll have hardships ahead, that things aren't always going to be so simple, we'll have bad days, and good days... but they'll be our days, and that's all I could ask for.


Rebecca said...

You feel as do I with a true sense of reality. Its not just the carrying of a baby within me, I know it will be hell with my issues. I want to grow with that child too. I want to teach it and learn from it. I want to share what the world has to offer.

St Elsewhere said...

Your brother is pretty clueless.

I am not aware of what happened in your past. But if that guy has two sisters, and each of them has had fertility/baby related heartache, and if he still cannot grasp it, he is pretty zoned out.

I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said that he had his kids when he was not ready to. He does seem to resent it.

I am so with you about wanting to go through this again. However hard it may be, I am amazed at the amount of learning I am amassing from the tiny being in my life.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

It's so frustrating when you run into these sort of people, and even harder when they are loved ones. I agree getting the baby isn't the best part, it's the sharing your life with a baby. I think too many people I see lately want to be treated like princesses during pregnancy which bothers me too. It's not about the 9 months, it's about the lifetime afterwards! (I think so anyways!)

AnotherDreamer said...

Thank you ladies for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It's good to know I'm not alone. In my family, it sure feels like it sometimes.

jessiwallace said...

It doesn't wear off... even when they go through the terrible emotional rampages at ages two and three. I love my daughter with ALL my heart and will protect her and fight for her until I die, no matter how many mood swings she has, no matter how many times I have to discipline her for being mean to another child, no matter how many times she tells me "no" and points at me. I never EVER regret her or the fight to get pregnant. This is what makes YOU a better parent. Tough times are coming, yes, but how you handle them is what defines you as a parent. I love my daughter through all her crazy two-year-old moments and wouldn't change her for anything. She's MINE. :)

Stinky said...

some people don't appreciate what they've got until (a) they don't have it, or (b) they've had to work for it

Your 2nd to last paragraph speaks to me loud and clear, this is what I want also