Thursday, November 3, 2011

Huh-

I just realized that we're due next month... granted it's towards the end of the month, but it's still next month. I tried saying that outloud, but it sounded like a lie. I still don't feel pregnant, I mean I have my moments (braxton hicks contractions, movement, discomforts etc...) but it still feels unreal.

We have a baby class tonight; mostly for my husband's benefit because I want to laugh everytime he says, "How hard can it be?" and then he's all surprised when I tell him things. He doesn't have experience with infants, so I don't see the harm in taking a class; it certainly can't hurt.

Then next week we have our 34wk appointment and a breast feeding class.

And... the weekend of Thanksgiving we'll be 36wks, starting weekly appointments, internal exams, switching to Heparin, and going on maternity (or permanent) leave... and, that's in like 3 weeks now? Seriously?

I think things are really starting to sink in now.

I'm still scared of things going wrong, but I'm trying to enjoy this moment. I've made it this far, but there are still fears that I need to deal with. I know that this late in the game, the risks of loss are lower... but how do I explain this fear to people? I know the risk of a still birth is 3%, but we only had a 1% chance of losing 3 pregnancies in a row. What comfort can statistics give me? Most of the time I don't think about it, I just focus on today; but the worry is still there, where it'll stay. I do relish in the fact that I am so close, that this wonderful wiggling baby may soon be in my arms- but I want that so badly, I've dreamed of it for so long, that of course I'm going to worry. Who wouldn't fear losing something they love so much, and tried so hard for?

The closer we get the the estimated due date, the more anxious I grow. I worry about labor, about loss, about my own health. I get excited about holding him in my arms, of kissing his sweet face, of my husband finally meeting this precious boy. I'm anxious about when he'll come, will there be snow or ice making the drive hazardous, will he be early, 'on time', late? It seems like time has slowed down; at the same time I've been so busy that it seems to be passing me by, yet the next few milestones seem forever away. I still have so much to do.

9 comments:

Stinky said...

So much to think about. Surely after the baby is here (and wriggling!) will be when you question how real things feel. through the haze of lack of sleeps!

Funny. . . at 34 weeks and its just "sinking in" properly!

AnotherDreamer said...

Well, at almost 33wks actually ;) I know, I seriously take my time lol. I bet it won't be totally real until he's here though, it still feels so fragile.

Groves said...

I think about you so much - what you are feeling, how hard the waiting is.

Little baby, Keep On Growing. We pray and look forward to seeing you - SO MUCH.

Cathy in Missouri

Rebecca said...

Its so exciting to know that I've been following you since this one started and soon you'll have that happy, healthy baby you've hoped for. I'm really happy for you and I can't wait to see the baby pictures when you get the chance come January to post them. I'll wait that long I won't bug you. LOL

Jessica said...

It's so hard not to worry...as a matter of fact, I don't think the worry ends even after they are born. I find myself thinking about all of the horrible things that could happen, but then I think about how I might regret not enjoying my pregnancy because this will probably be the only one.

Ugh. It's so frustrating. However, you have made it SO FAR! You are far enough along that everything is going to be okay. I just know it! Stay strong and enjoy these last weeks. I'm sure you'll be telling me the same thing in a couple of months, lol! ;)

Celia said...

It took me almost a week to realize he was mine for real. It took ten months for me to stop worrying something would happen to him in the night. I feel slightly more confident with this pregnancy, just because I am feeling the baby move so much more. I will still probably be SIDS paranoid.

St Elsewhere said...

How hard can it be? A-, just you wait!!!

I understand your anxiety and have no magic mantra to deal with it. I just pray that Nombie will be there safe and happy in your lives, and pooping over A-, so that he knows how hard can it be. :-)

iamstacey said...

That's the perfect way to put it - I felt the same way towards the end! Like time had sped up and slowed down all at the same time!

I LOVE Nombie's baby blanket! And Ishi is super-cute, too. :) I'm so glad he's doing better!

birdsandsquirrels said...

34 weeks now! You have made it so far. I am glad it is starting to sink in. You will be holding him in your arms before you know it. Enjoy these last weeks.

Having a Christmas day due date, I was terrified about snow and ice too. We ended up having a pretty yucky storm two days after I was induced and while I was still in the hospital. The nice thing was that it was super quiet in the hospital and I got an awesome room! I hope he doesn't go too late and that you can get the tax deduction for 2011!