Monday, September 19, 2011

Competing emotions-

A few things happened Saturday. It was busy, we went out to celebrate my husband's birthday (belatedly) shopped around and then stopped at my cousins at the end of the day.

- In the car, talking with my husband, he referred to the baby by the name we've chosen for him. Then he continued telling me how he wants to further his education/career so that Nombie will be proud of him. To which I replied, "What? You don't think he'll be proud of you anyway for being you?" because I think he'd be proud of him anyway, but then A- started talking about how he apparently wants to be the cool dad? I was laughing, but it was sweet. The thing that struck me most though, was that the whole time, he was talking as if Nombie is going to come home alive. Like he was going to live, and grow up. It was very sweet, and it made me smile.

At the same time it scares me, and worries me, because what if something happens? We're obviously not quite in the same place with our security in this pregnancy, but I'll admit I'm starting to get more hopeful too... just not in the same place as him yet. Of course, later Nombie went and decided not to move much at all, AND hid from the doppler... I found his heart beat and felt him the next day, but that was tense. He keeps flip flopping, and with the anterior placenta he has to be positioned a certain way for me to feel anything at all still. I'm 26 weeks now, I was hoping it'd be more consistent by now. But no such luck (*sigh*). I can still go a day without movement. It's makes me nervous.

- My cousin gave me a TON of hand me downs. I don't think Nombie is going to need much in the way of clothes for awhile yet! She also gave me her car seat and stroller, both need cleaned up but they're in great condition. We're also getting a pack n' play (or two) from her. I feel very lucky! I barely talk to this cousin, so it was a total shock. It really made my day. I know she was super glad to be rid of the stuff too! I went through it all the other night, and sorted it.

I still feel slighted about the whole situation with SIL1 giving all her hand-me-downs to SIL2. I don't remember if I posted about that... if you remember, they're both A-s sisters. SIL1 had a baby last year, and SIL2 is pregnant with her second baby.

Well, SIL1 gave all of her old stuff to SIL2 at the shower (a bassinet, receiving blankets, activity playmat, clothes, and baby carrier)... SIL2 said that she already had 2 bassinets, and 2 carriers. So SIL1 laughed and said, "Well you know who could use them then!?" and pointed to me. Yeah, love the public announcement about how you didn't bother considering giving us your hand-me-downs... we're just an afterthought. Nice.

Honestly, if it had been me in her shoes, I'd have split it up between the two pregnant women, or got them together and asked them to figure out what they want/need. I would never have only given to one of them, especially if they were due so close together. I know, I know... I can't expect the world to act with the same rationale as me. Maybe I'm overreacting to it- it's just feels like another reminder from the in-laws about how I'm not really family to them.

But that incident made me even more grateful for the unexpected kindness from my cousin. I really didn't think I'd be getting any hand-me-downs, let alone so much. And certainly not from someone I barely talk to, and haven't seen in a couple years. When we left her house, I just smiled because of her kindness. It really helped complete my day.

Seeing it all in our house is crazy. It makes me feel a little more like we might actually have a baby this time. We have baby stuff... in our house. Not just a handful of clothes/blankets tucked away out of sight, but stuff sitting out. It's scary, but it also makes it more real. We have three months and 1 week until our due date, our shower is in less than a month now, the invites are going out this week, we're working more on the nursery and home repairs... it's crazy.

I so hope that things continue going okay with Nombie. I want him to come home with us alive and well. I'm so thankful for every day that he's still with us, and I hope every day that he'll still be there tomorrow. I hate waiting 4 weeks between appointments... I wish it was Friday already.


Shannon Ivy said...

I'm still soo excited for you! I hope and pray everyday that you continue to get one more day!

It must be crazy with baby stuff in the house... My hubs won't let me buy anything yet because he knows that seeing it will be more depressing than not having it.

claire said...

Just make sure the harness was never washed other than light cleaning with a wipe. I'd find a local certified car seat technician to help install the seat and read the manual thoroughly! I read the manual for my sons seat and still got it wrong! the harness should be at or below the shoulders and no aftermarket accessories! no toys on the handle bar but the shower cap style covers are great for cold weather. Rolled up receiving blankets are great to help slouch. if you look on you will find a wealth of information about your seat and how to fit it in your car. The new AAP rec's say you should rear face to two years of age but I will be rear facing my son till 3-4 years old per what the Swedish do!

I hope you don't think i am being a bully or fear monger but car seat safety is so important.

AnotherDreamer said...

Claire, no I totally understand :) I checked it out before getting it from her, she just bought it brand new last year and she was the only owner. I was planning on buying a new one due to safety concerns, but under those circumstances it seemed alright.

Rebecca said...

I'm so glad that your cousin gave you a lot of her things she had for her baby. I've bought a ton of baby items for my friends in the past. Babies grow so fast and I find that there is rarely a reason to buy new items, unless its for photos or recalls.

Just this weekend I ended up buying two outfits for my husband's coworker that had their first baby the previous weekend. My husband finds baby item shopping rather daunting.

JenJen said...

Hey there! So glad to hear you are doing well :) Hopefully Nombie will flip soon and you will feel him SO much more - I had an anterior placenta also, and was lucky to feel a few movements a day until he turned (about 28 weeks I think) and then it was all the time! I caught up on your blog - it's so cool to see how you've progressed to finally realizing YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!! :) <3

St Elsewhere said...

See, A-'s reaction is very cute.

Of course, I am rooting that Nombie will come home happy and healthy and Nombie will test out A-'s cool-dadness in no time...

I am glad your cousin gave you such nice stuff.

You are very correct. There is a very graceful way of giving gifts/hand-me-downs. Your SIL1 can probably learn some lesson on this.

Anonymous said...

How sweet of your cousin! Boo on the SIL's. :( It really starts to seem scary real when the house starts filling up with baby schwag.
We LOVE our pack 'n play! I used it next to the bed for her bassinett until she got to big for it (and started rolling over), then we brought the crib in our room. But we still have the pack 'n play set up in the spare room for whenever mom comes over to help.