Friday, September 30, 2011

Another nephew

Yesterday we welcomed our 8th nephew into the world, it came at me first thing in a flurry of texts. My phone was getting blown up, apparently things were pretty touch and go for awhile. SIL2 woke up that morning bleeding profusely, when they got to the hospital they found out she had a placental abruption. She ended up losing a lot of blood, having an emergency c-section, and a couple blood transfusions. Mom and baby are fine now, but that must have been the scariest experience for her. Before this, her biggest worry had been anemia and heartburn.

Everyone is excited, and thankful for how things turned out- I'm sure everyone could do without how it began though.

We haven't went out and visited yet. I think she needs rest now, more than a ton of visitors. We might stop out today, or tomorrow, just for a few minutes... but I definitely don't want to add stress by coming out when she has so much company already.
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Her birth hasn't bothered me as much as SIL1's did last year. Maybe it's because of the chaos surrounding it, or because we're pregnant now, but it stings less. That's not to say that all my grief from infertility has been absolved (trust me, it's still there)... it's just quieter right now. I still feel that familiar ache, but it's not a howling open sore like it was last year.

I think in some ways, it's manifesting itself differently. Or I just developed a new set of issues (it's hard to tell these days). The other day at work, a women came in. She asked me if I was pregnant (first time a stranger has ever asked me that). I told her I was, she asked me how far along I was. Then she told me she was pregnant too, and tried to make small talk with me. And I didn't know how to respond. It's still so uncomfortable talking about my pregnancy, about Nombie; I still can't relate to other pregnant women at all. You'd think that after trying for 4 years, that I'd be dying to gush about this. But I'm not. I don't know if it's from how long we've tried, because of all our losses along the way, because of how impermanent everything feels... but I just don't want to chat about it.

I've never had any issues talking about my infertility with people, my procedures, my surgeries, the reality of living with recurrent miscarriages... but this, my current pregnancy, I just can't speak as openly about.

We have a tour of the maternity ward Monday, another appointment and the baby shower in two weeks. We have a little less than 3 months until our estimated due date. You'd think this would be feeling more real by now, but it's not.

**ETA: SIL2 is still hanging in there, she needed 2 more blood transfusions this morning though. Hopefully she'll be feeling better soon, and get lots of rest in the meantime.

6 comments:

St Elsewhere said...

I am glad that mum and baby are well. It was quite a scare.

I understand how small talk about pregnancy would leave you slightly uncomfy. After all, our fertility histories are pretty kinked.

Take care!

Shannon Ivy said...

I'm glad both mom and baby are doing well. I don't know if you read the my post about my SIL's experience with a placenta abruption at 22 weeks... (There are several posts throughout my blog starting in February of this year).

Wish you luck and for many more days!

Groves said...

"You'd think that after trying for 4 years, that I'd be dying to gush about this. But I'm not. I don't know if it's from how long we've tried, because of all our losses along the way, because of how impermanent everything feels... but I just don't want to chat about it."

You sound completely normal to me. That last line, especially "because of how impermanent everything feels." You know what it's like when life DOESN'T end up all rosy and sweet, and so you can't just tiptoe through the tulips.

I appreciate what you say.

Love to you and Nombie, and so glad your SIL and baby are okay.

Love,

Cathy in Missouri

Scuola Piccolina said...

I can understand why you don't want to talk about your pregnancy. I would imagine you still feel cautiously opimistic. Infertility raises the stakes of pregnancy.

iamstacey said...

Oh my gosh! Welcome to your new little nephew! I'm so sorry for all your SIL has been through. I hope they're both doing great now. What a scary start!

Celia said...

DUDE! I did not even finish reading your post, but my Mom lied about cancer too! She told everyone she had a brain tumor and when they called to check on her I got to tell them she did not in fact have brain cancer. It was exactly the kind of thing an 18 year old should have to handle.

IMO my mom would not be as mad that she was dying if she had something socially acceptable like cancer and not cirrhosis.