Monday, December 20, 2010


My dog has not improved. He's trying to keep his head tilted to compensate for the imbalance between his ears, but he's still falling over. A lot. He threw up his medicine earlier, along with some other nasty smelling stuff, and he hasn't eaten at all today. Looks like I'll be calling the vet again tomorrow. Right now, we're showing him to his dog bed, helping him up and down the stairs, and calming him when he starts freaking out from the disorientation... which happens pretty much all day. Poor guy.

I was in the holiday mood, but I don't know where it went. I just don't seem to care anymore, which sucks because my family is coming over to my house on Saturday. I'm cleaning, making gingerbread cookies, decorating, putting the finishing touched on things... which before, I wanted to do, but now I am just feeling obligated. I don't know what's up.

I'm sure it's a lot of things coming at me, so it's hard to distinguish. Like my dog being sick. Or the fact that my little brother has stopped visiting me; I knew it would happen since he's in high school now... I just hoped it wouldn't be so abrupt. A very old friend has stopped returning my texts and calls, and there could be a lot of reasons why. What bothers me the most about that, is that she doesn't have the balls to just call me and tell me why she's dropped all contact. She was making excuses, which aren't even believable. Like being too sick to return my texts, but she can apparently go to work just fine. Right. Whatever. But even then, she took a day or two to even return my text. So. Whatever.

I also haven't been feeling well, I'm just sore and I feel like I could be getting sick- but I'm not sick, and it never progresses to being sick. I'm just... unwell? And I've been that way for like two months now.

I've also been feeling a little down about things... about still not having children, about having lost my babies. Buying all sorts of presents for my nieces/nephews, and feeling that ache that we aren't buying for our own. Again. Year after year.

And did I mention, I don't want to go to Christmas Eve dinner at father-in-laws house? Ungh. Just, ungh. Talk about feeling alone in a crowd of people.

I have to work tonight, and tomorrow, then celebrate the solstice with my husband, then I have to clean/bake/shop/prepare for Christmas with my family, go to dinner at the in-laws, then dinner with my family. It's a very very busy week.

And I'm just in a major funk... I don't feel like dealing with any of it. But I know I will. One day at a time, right?


WiseGuy said...

Hugs, AD.

You seem to be having a general feeling of malaise and I think it has more to do with the mental and emotional stress you are experiencing than anything else.

I hope your dog recovers soon. He is in such a bad shape.

I wonder why your friend stopped talking so abruptly. Not a good way to part, I must say. I hope your bro still maintains contact even if through a call.

And family? Love them. *tuk tuk*

rebecca said...

So sorry, I think the funk has hit a lot of us as the Holiday approaches. I hate to hear your dog is still sick, hoping he begins to feel better soon and that things go well this weekend. As you said, sometimes all we can do is one foot in front of the other ((hugs))