Sunday, February 28, 2010


It's been cold here, snowy and icy. I hate the cold. Every winter I remember my first almost-accident. My only almost-accident. I was driving home from work late one night, I was only 18 or 19. It was my first winter driving. There was slush on the road, but it seemed to have been fine. I was only doing 30mph, but someone stopped in front of me suddenly. They handled this well. I didn't. I lost control of my car and it started to spin. This is why I hate snow.

It started spinning out of control, it must have been moving very quickly. Yet, time seemed to still within the car. I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, panicked. My heart beat furiously in my chest. The car kept spinning, and I did nothing to stop it because I was frozen with disbelief- completely powerless to stop the inevitable.

That's what the past few years have been like. I lost control of where I wanted to go, my destination. I have been sitting powerless, watching the spin. Wondering if it was going to end. Would I survive it.

During the spin, all those years ago, I finally snapped to. It was midway through the second spin, and I started tapping my brakes. I managed to slow the spin, and eventually stopped. Thankfully it was so late, and the roads so bad, that no one else was out. Thankfully I was on a 4 lane state route, and I didn't hit anyone. I managed to stop before going into any buildings, or yards. I was incredibly lucky.

I feel like I'm at that stage in regards to my infertility. I've finally started tapping my breaks, I am stopping the spin.

My surgery is tomorrow. I am extremely nervous.

It is now a Laproscopy, Ovarian Drilling, and Hysteroscopy (rather than the SHG). So, if she finds anything wrong with the uterus, the ovaries, she can try to take care of it while she's in there (like fibroids, polyps, endometriosis). She will take lots of pictures- and she said she will give me copies of them. I am actually excited about that, and I might share them online. Not sure- that might be TMI huh? A little more of me than you would want to see? Hehehe, perhaps I won't post them.

But I am extremely nervous. I was allowed to eat a light dinner at 5pm, and here soon I have to take some laxatives for a bowl cleanse... ick... as prep for my surgery. I am to report to the hospital in the morning, my surgery is scheduled for 1pm. No idea how long it will end up taking, and no idea how long to expect in recovery. But I will try to get back on here when I am feeling better so I can post my experience and what they found out.

Until then... I am super super anxious. Nervous. Excited to be done with this. Worried about something going wrong. And did I mention nervous?

(*sigh*) Last surgery of the year (*fingers crossed*) Wish me luck.


MrsSpock said...

Best of luck! I hope it goes smoothly and the recovery is short!

Julia said...

Good luck! I hope your recovery goes quickly.

Michelle said...

Good Luck tomorrow. You will be in my thoughts. I hope it provides some very useful info. Let me know how it goes because I want to talk to my RE about getting this done. ((HUGS))

Bluebird said...

Thinking of you, honey. Hope everything goes well. . . let us know!

Sweet Georgia said...

You've been through a heck of a lot already. Hope that the procedure goes smoothly and that you ahve a speedy recovery!

Kristin said...

Hoping and praying your surgery goes off without a hitch and (maybe) you get some answers.

I'm so glad you feel like you are beginning to stop the crazy spin of infertility.

Celia said...

I am thinking of you. I hope you come home to a comfy couch, a cuddly cat, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

Jessi Wallace said...

I want to see the pictures of your uterus, LOL! You should totally post them! I can't wait to read what the result is and I hope you have a speedy recovery!