So we're 36 weeks now, which is great. Physically I don't feel so great though... I'm just having such a hard time right now. This pregnancy has been so different than when I was just carrying V. We have 18 more days until our c-section and I just don't know how I'm going to make it. I hurt everywhere, I'm starting to swell up, I'm so crampy every day, my belly burns/aches all the time, and my new heartburn med isn't working very well, so I wake up feeling like I'm going to throw up too. I can barely walk around my house, let alone anywhere else. The hour car ride to my OB's office is awful. It's bad. It's gotten really bad this past week. I do my best not to complain, I've definitely not lost sight that the babies are doing well and that's what's most important... but I feel like I'm falling apart, and I end up crying most nights from the pain.
My OB appointment on Tuesday went well. No signs of preeclampsia, babies both looked good. My cervix is still closed, so no progress there. My OB offered to see if there were any openings at the hospital for 38 weeks rather than my scheduled 38 weeks and 4 days. Of course, there aren't. The nurse said that if something opens up they'll let me know though. I'm not going to count on that, but it was a nice thought.
I'm anxious about waiting until 38 weeks and 4 days for a lot of reasons- with twins the placentas do start to break down earlier (usually starting at 38 weeks), and the whole point of a scheduled c-section is to avoid going into labor on my own, not just because of the risk of uterine rupture but also because I am on Lovenox and the increased bleeding risks and possibility of requiring general anesthesia. But I just have to hope for the best here, and try to tough it out. I mean, things should be fine. I hope?
I just get really anxious as we near the end. I did the same thing with V, and a lot of that has to do with my sister's loss. My sister is getting anxious too, she was really panicking about them not doing more growth scans. I told her it's normal, but you know that doesn't help. It's just a hard place to be in. You know that they're alive today, but that tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I can't trust my body. It's hard to explain to most people, but I feel like they're honestly safer on the outside than in after a certain point. I felt that same way with V. I'm on the Lovenox though, and we're doing everything we can... it's just hard trying to have faith that everything will be alright... because it isn't always alright.
Okay, it's late and I'm rambling. I'm trying to soak on the heating pad to relieve some of the back pain and crampiness before bed, and I feel like I'm just going to pass out so I should probably just get some rest. Tomorrow I'll be another day closer at least.