Appt today-

37 weeks and 5 days today! Everything is still fine: babies' heart rates were good, fluid is good, no protein spillage, no blood pressure issues... I made a little progress dilating, I'm maybe a fingertip now? Nothing to get excited about though, right now it looks like we're still going to make it to our scheduled c-section. We'll see, I guess. I was 1cm with V for weeks if I recall correctly and nothing really changed... my water broke the day before my scheduled induction. I don't really think anything like that will happen again, but my body is almost begging for it.

I hurt everywhere, my lower belly is swollen like a water balloon and it hurts to the touch. It's gotten really bad. My anxiety is ramping up too. I just keep telling myself that it's just 6 more days. We can handle it, right?

After my appointment we decided to brave taking V to see the new Dragon movie. He loved the first one, and is just obsessed with dragons/dinosaurs. It went better than I expected, considering this was his first movie in an actual theater. He did get antsy and tired (it ran into nap time) but he had fun so that was worth it. It was also a first that we would have otherwise had to table for a long time. It was nice being able to do something little like that before my surgery.

A quick update-

Babies are still cooking, and look like they are probably going to stay that way. No progress whatsoever as of Tuesday. I'm 37 weeks now, and my fundal height was measuring 48 weeks. I did test positive for group-b strep so will be getting IV antibiotics when the time comes, although they'll have to work around my allergies. I'm swelling worse and worse as the days go on, my legs and feet are balloon-esque. I'm getting edema at my old c-section scar too, which is really weird and disconcerting. Everything looks fine though no signs of preeclampsia, so there aren't any concerns. Just discomforts and unease.

Right now I'm trying my best just to hang in there, and hoping that the babies do too. I'm still very uneasy about waiting so long for the c-section, but there isn't anything I can do about it and technically it should be fine. I just get anxious, like I mentioned before. I'm terrified of something happening to them because we waited too long, and I know that it's mostly irrational. After what happened with my sister though (with her stillbirth), I really can't help it.
 
So basically, I want them out for a lot of reasons. I am more than ready to have them out.

10 more days.

36 weeks

So we're 36 weeks now, which is great. Physically I don't feel so great though... I'm just having such a hard time right now. This pregnancy has been so different than when I was just carrying V. We have 18 more days until our c-section and I just don't know how I'm going to make it. I hurt everywhere, I'm starting to swell up, I'm so crampy every day, my belly burns/aches all the time, and my new heartburn med isn't working very well, so I wake up feeling like I'm going to throw up too. I can barely walk around my house, let alone anywhere else. The hour car ride to my OB's office is awful. It's bad. It's gotten really bad this past week. I do my best not to complain, I've definitely not lost sight that the babies are doing well and that's what's most important... but I feel like I'm falling apart, and I end up crying most nights from the pain.

My OB appointment on Tuesday went well. No signs of preeclampsia, babies both looked good. My cervix is still closed, so no progress there. My OB offered to see if there were any openings at the hospital for 38 weeks rather than my scheduled 38 weeks and 4 days. Of course, there aren't. The nurse said that if something opens up they'll let me know though. I'm not going to count on that, but it was a nice thought.

I'm anxious about waiting until 38 weeks and 4 days for a lot of reasons- with twins the placentas do start to break down earlier (usually starting at 38 weeks), and the whole point of a scheduled c-section is to avoid going into labor on my own, not just because of the risk of uterine rupture but also because I am on Lovenox and the increased bleeding risks and possibility of requiring general anesthesia. But I just have to hope for the best here, and try to tough it out. I mean, things should be fine. I hope?

I just get really anxious as we near the end. I did the same thing with V, and a lot of that has to do with my sister's loss. My sister is getting anxious too, she was really panicking about them not doing more growth scans. I told her it's normal, but you know that doesn't help. It's just a hard place to be in. You know that they're alive today, but that tomorrow isn't guaranteed. I can't trust my body. It's hard to explain to most people, but I feel like they're honestly safer on the outside than in after a certain point. I felt that same way with V. I'm on the Lovenox though, and we're doing everything we can... it's just hard trying to have faith that everything will be alright... because it isn't always alright.

Okay, it's late and I'm rambling. I'm trying to soak on the heating pad to relieve some of the back pain and crampiness before bed, and I feel like I'm just going to pass out so I should probably just get some rest. Tomorrow I'll be another day closer at least.

Our last MFM scan-

We are 35 weeks and had our last growth/fluid scan yesterday. Both babies looked good, with nice heart beats. There was some concern over Baby A's fluid, since the tech only got a single pocket and it was big, but the Perintologist took another look and checked the blood flow to the placenta too, and said he thought everything looked fine. A was estimated at 5lbs and 10oz (57th percentile), while B was estimated at 6lbs and 4oz (79th percentile). In the last week and a half B has switched from head to the left transverse, to head to right transverse, and is now head down on the left. A has been contentedly breech on the right for months, with no signs of moving. Since we're having a recurrent c-section that's not a worry, but the positions do make things awkward for me. I'm still amazed that B feels comfortable enough to move positions as much as it does. That one is an acrobat.

I see my OB Tuesday and we will begin cervical checks then, since we'll be 36 weeks on Thursday. 23 days or less left now... I feel very done. Just exhausted, heavy, and I've been getting crampy off and on for the past week. I haven't been having any contractions really, although I haven't been drinking nearly enough water (I really need to get on that). I've been feeling a lot of pressure/discomfort off and on since B flipped head down too. I still have a cough and some congestion, but I'm really a lot better... I just wish I was 100% better.

I have a lot more done for the babies now. We got the stuff down from the attic, the bassinet cover/fabric is drying on the clothes line right now, clothes are washed and put away for the most part, car seats are out/ready, bottles are down, breast pump out... I know there are still some little things here or there we need to get done, but we're pretty much set to go whenever they get here.

Considerations

My OB appointment went well, she decided to wait until next week to do the internal check and swab. Baby B has it's head to my right now, rather than left, but is still transverse up top. Baby A is still breech on the right. We only have 3 more OB appointments before our scheduled c-section, assuming we make it that far.

I did discuss some concerns with her and went over the risks with staying on Lovenox. Lovenox is great if you need it, really it is, but it doesn't come without risk. One of the obvious risks is hemorrhaging. One of the less known is the risk of becoming paralyzed from a spinal hematoma in the event that you need to deliver with a spinal/epidural before it's out of your system.

Basically that won't be an issue if we make it to our scheduled c-section. I would just skip my dose the night before, and my system should be clear for a spinal. The issue comes from spontaneous labor, which is a real possibility since I'm carrying twins and my c-section isn't scheduled until 38w4d (average delivery for twins is 35w, most happen before 37w). If I go into labor spontaneously the hospital will have to look at when my last dose was; Lovenox can last up to 24 hours in the system but it might be safe after 12 hours for me since my dose is low/preventative. They'll then have to do blood work to check if it's safe or not. If it's been long enough, or blood work shows it's safe, then I can have the spinal and that's alright. If it's NOT though, I will need to have my c-section under general anesthesia. Which means that neither A or myself will be "present" or "awake" for the birth of the twins.

Last time we switched to Heparin later on, since it can be reversed and doesn't last as long in the system. Lovenox is once a day, while Heparin is twice a day (since Lovenox lasts 24hrs, Heparin lasts 12hrs). This time my OB and MFM would rather keep me on Lovenox. Lovenox is safer in pregnancy since it's low molecular weight, so it stays more stable in the body. Heparin is safer for delivery though. My OB did say they could switch me to Heparin if I wanted, but we opted to just stay on the Lovenox since it's safer overall (not to mention I am running out of non-bruised places to inject as it is). I just have concerns about it and worry about delivery. I'm trying to wrap my head around the possibility of having to deliver under general anesthesia- I know that there's a chance that may not happen, but I'd rather mentally prepare just in case. It's really hit or miss how things will go down.