Sunday, June 10, 2012

Pushing through it-

I completed my first 5k yesterday. Walking, mind you. My friend and I came in dead last, but you know what? It doesn't matter, because the only thing we wanted to do was to finish that race. And we did it. It took us an hour and four minutes.

The pace we set was a fast walk, and we were going as fast as I jog. Which dealt me a fair blow to my ego. But, considering I had to use my inhaler just walking it... well, asthma blows. I really want to jog/run faster, right now I'm only at 2.8mph, which is a drop in the bucket. It's the fastest I can go though. I tried going faster, but a minute on 3mph and my asthma started acting up, despite using my inhaler.

That scares me. I don't think some of the people in my life understand this, but asthma is a scary disease. It terrifies me to be taking deep lungfuls of air, and yet feeling like I'm suffocating. My legs burning with exertion, I can power through, but that? No way. I use my inhaler, and I breathe easier but in by no means solves the problem; it just helps.

I used to have nightmares of being chased by bad people or monsters, and not being able to run fast enough, having an asthma attack, and dying

I used my asthma as a crutch for many years, saying, "I can't run, I have asthma." Or, "I can't play that game, I have asthma." And while to a certain extent that's true, I could still have done something. I wasn't handicapped, I could have used my inhaler or sat down at any time. I would hope that the people in my life would have understood. But it was just easier, and less frightening, to say, "I can't do that."

I don't want to live like this anymore. I have to find the balance between my limitations and what I can do.

I really like jogging, I like the feel of my feet hitting the treadmill, listening to a rhythmic song on my mp3 player, and letting my mind wander. I love the feeling of accomplishment I get when I make it to the next mile.

It's not the best exercise for someone with asthma. But man, I love it.


Rebecca said...

I'm proud of you for finishing. When I have to do an activity that might trigger my asthma I take my inhaler before hand and just hope. Still I didn't make it to the top of the Astoria column, but I tried.

Janet's page said...

Way to go!!!!!!

Shannon Ivy said...

Yay you finished the 5K!!! That is something in itself because it shows your dedication, no matter what the hold-ups are! As your lungs get stronger, will you need your inhaler as much?

AnotherDreamer said...

Rebecca, that's what I do too. Sometimes it's just not enough though. But, I think my lungs are getting stronger.

Shannon, somewhat. It won't ever be like a normal persons, but I can strengthen my lung capacity to an extent. I'll still need my inhaler though.