tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post3293038683518695158..comments2023-08-08T10:13:12.251-04:00Comments on An Unwanted Path: No man's land?AnotherDreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11487881766884178761noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-48632981717292039992012-11-09T14:15:22.181-05:002012-11-09T14:15:22.181-05:00I too have struggled with being in the no-man'...I too have struggled with being in the no-man's land. It's such a mind-fuck (pardon the language). It just feels so strange. I have my 3 year old son whom I adore. He was from IVF after several years TTC. I had grieved having no more children (my husband is now 50 with a 17 year old and doesn't want more), and it wasn't even a hard grief for me because I think 1 child is about right for us. But then I unexpectdly got pregnant and miscarried at 13 weeks and it re-opened the wounds. And while I think I'm 'over' the loss (mostly) now- it's just always hard in weird ways- when my infertility sisters get pregnant again, when my 'regular' friends get pregnant again. I feel like I'm grieving the loss of the life I want to have- the loss of control- the inability for me and my husband to be the people I want us to be. Just YUK at all this not being happy and satisfied with what I've got! Some days I really wish I was a dog.Joannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01975961198431934996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-52214663381124079832012-11-09T13:47:45.757-05:002012-11-09T13:47:45.757-05:00Yes, yes, yes! Thank you for this post. Our next...Yes, yes, yes! Thank you for this post. Our next child will require surrogacy again, and when I weigh the costs, in some ways a second attempt seems almost more difficult than getting our son. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-26953868122376440632012-11-09T10:14:09.544-05:002012-11-09T10:14:09.544-05:00Love this post. I am with you in the no man's...Love this post. I am with you in the no man's land and I struggle with it on a regular basis.Pepperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660732311643664518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-79221654506929668372012-11-09T10:03:35.078-05:002012-11-09T10:03:35.078-05:00I'm on my sixth pregnancy - one living child w...I'm on my sixth pregnancy - one living child who is, if my current pregnancy works out, will be just shy of five by the time his sibling is born. I'm also one of those jerks who got pregnant the first month trying for DS, and now we've had 3.5 years of infertility, and four losses trying to have a second. We had planned to have four children and I can't imagine ever being "over" this whole experience. When people find out I'm pregnant they say "congrats" and I say "we'll see," and all the usual joy that would come with pregnancy has been replaced with anxiety, stress, and worry. We won't tell DS until we're very far along because I can't bear to see him grieve another baby who never came. EUChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09781973571129021209noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-39545642071427393932012-11-04T03:51:56.591-05:002012-11-04T03:51:56.591-05:00It sounds like a spiral (not necessarily a downwar...It sounds like a spiral (not necessarily a downward one) but that you travel round, you've come full circle, but its not back to the same point you started, its like one level up. Like a spring. <br />You will never be *exactly* back to square one. But trying to define this, I guess is all about finding 'your place', which I do appreciate must be hard in a world of labels and pigeon holes. I like that ALI seems to be pretty much all encompassingStinkyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15656595158457726802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-55569614797435645092012-11-03T20:32:20.142-04:002012-11-03T20:32:20.142-04:00I just had my second son after 2 losses and TTC fo...I just had my second son after 2 losses and TTC for 3 yrs. I had my first son after 1 loss and 1 yr TTC. I feel like TTC the 2nd more emotionally scarring than the first. I wanted him to have a sibling so bad. So here I am with a 4 month old and a 4 yr old. It is weird bc I have "baggage". I still get upset when my family members just get pregnant at the drop of a hat and I have 2 kids! I often wonder what is wrong with me, it doesn't go away!Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05662652837862227423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-706238073865191302012-11-03T07:48:01.213-04:002012-11-03T07:48:01.213-04:00Yes. And also yes. AND ESPECIALLY YES to the fact ...Yes. And also yes. AND ESPECIALLY YES to the fact that we are crippled financially from TTC. I deal with it every day. To be able to afford our son we are in a small house near a busy street with a crappy yard. While obviously worth it, the fact is that where we live..sucks in many ways. I can't take my eyes of Peter for ONE MINUTE. There is a four lane highway with no guard rail just feet from our back yard.Celiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07681663732376253772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-67193215910572878982012-11-02T20:22:49.080-04:002012-11-02T20:22:49.080-04:00I could relate a lot to this post too... I agree t...I could relate a lot to this post too... I agree that infertility and parenting after IF/ loss are not mutually exclusive. I think when you are not a parent yet, it's harder to understand this side of things... but I get it now!Glass Case of Emotionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05955456197879910244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-43641874507667461702012-11-02T15:06:16.237-04:002012-11-02T15:06:16.237-04:00You're speaking my language! And this feeling ...You're speaking my language! And this feeling of still being in the thick of it only intensifies once you return to the stirrups again. <br /><br />It's funny-about a year ago, I was really forced into infertility pergatory as I call it. I wanted to join my local RESOLVE group and when they found out I had a kid, they politely asked that I form my own 'secondary infertility' support group instead of attending theirs, as if I didn't fit. And in some ways, they were right. It really made me feel as if I was further undefined. But I know there are many of us out here, focused on parenting, but still stuck in that IF place. You are not alone!Shelbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06085283320884411888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-86960491697672222242012-11-02T14:14:14.837-04:002012-11-02T14:14:14.837-04:00I think my concern for you will be the mental toll...I think my concern for you will be the mental toll of the hormones and possible loss. I really hope that you do conceive on the first try and carry to term.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06316511791499949824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-18141464902652585402012-11-02T11:01:08.847-04:002012-11-02T11:01:08.847-04:00Oh, I could have written this post. Exactly. And...Oh, I could have written this post. Exactly. And I feel the same way about this too: "So, it's true that infertility doesn't define me; but it did help create me."Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-75484816691348902432012-11-01T20:08:14.514-04:002012-11-01T20:08:14.514-04:00You're right, they aren't mutually exclusi...You're right, they aren't mutually exclusive, and I know I'm not the first (nor will I be the last) person to be in this land. It just feels strange, and in an area where there are so many subsets and designations, this one feels unclear. As if you belong, but you don't belong, and you're here, but you're not here.AnotherDreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11487881766884178761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2145084082738588532.post-82972096299313439282012-11-01T19:31:17.155-04:002012-11-01T19:31:17.155-04:00I don't think that the categories of "par...I don't think that the categories of "parenting after infertility and loss" and "infertile" are mutually exclusive. It seems to me like you are probably one of many women facing this particular scenario. After all, I doubt that every infertility "graduate" is satisfied with a one-child family.<br /><br />Anyways, you are welcome to join me in "trying after a loss" town if you feel unwelcome in "infertile" city.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com